


A Bond That Will Never Be Broken, A love That Will Never Be Lost

by charmed4lifekaren



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Spoilers, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Melinda May working with Avengers, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-19 18:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4756898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmed4lifekaren/pseuds/charmed4lifekaren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After spending a few days with her ex-husband Melinda May isn’t ready to head back to The Playground and so she decided to go see two of her oldest, closest, friends, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton, a decision that changes everything and sets Agent May on a new path. POST AOS season 2 and AOU.<br/>ONLY SEMI AOU COMPLIENT (no Barton family. No Bruce/Nat romance, PIETRO LIVES)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

After spending a few days with her ex-husband Melinda May isn't ready to head back to the Playground and so she decided to go see two of her oldest, closest, friends, a decision that changes everything.

ONLY SEMI AOU COMPLIENT (no Barton family. No Bruce/Nat romance, PIETRO LIVES)

* * *

After spending a couple of days with Andrew finally getting the closure that they never so many years before Melinda May made her way to upstate New York to spend time with friends.

As she is able to get into the New Avengers facility with ease Melinda makes an internal note to tell Natasha that her security sucks. As Melinda walks into the facilities main building she has to admit that being backed by Tony Stark's money clearly comes with perks as it's a far cry from the tunnels and struggling to afford weapons and fuel that she has been experiencing for the last year.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" A voice says and Melinda turns around to a man who she knows to be Sam Wilson.

"Yeah, you can actually. I'm looking for Natasha Romanoff. She's expecting me." Melinda explains as she knows better than showing up out of the blue and surprising Natasha and so she called first.

"Sure, um." Sam says looking around as he isn't actually sure where Natasha is, but as he looks up he sees someone who would know, "Hey Cap! Can you come here?" Sam calls.

"Sure." Steve says and he runs down, "What's going on?" Steve says when he is standing before Melinda and Sam.

"Where's Romanoff?" Sam asks, "She's got a visitor." Sam explains.

"Hi I'm Captain Rogers, and you are?" Steve asks, looking at Melinda and thinking that maybe he's see her before.

"MEL." A voice says before Melinda can respond and she turns to see Clint Barton, "Nat didn't tell me you were coming." Clint says rushing over as he knows that Melinda wouldn't be there if she didn't talk to Natasha first.

"That can't surprise you." Melinda says, giving Clint a look.

"Ohhh I've missed you." Clint says getting close to Melinda and throwing his arms around her and hugging her. As he does Clint picks her up and swings her around, doing something that only he could get away with, a fact that he is very well aware of.

"Put me down you idiot." Melinda says, though she is smiling to herself as she has really missed Clint. As they watch both Sam and Steve are shocked as they have never seen Clint great someone so enthusiastically, "And I've missed you too." Melinda admits once Clint puts her down on the ground.

"What are you doing here?" Clint asks as he knows what Melinda's been doing since S.H.I.E.L.D fell, he knows who she's been with so he knows how big of a deal it is for him to be there with a bag, a bag which he is pretty sure has everything of any importance that Melinda owns, even potentially everything she owns considering everything that's happened.

"That's a long story." Melinda admits.

"Want to tell me a drink? I owe you after all." Clint says with a smirk.

"You owe me about twelve." Melinda counters.

"True, and I will pay up, but first want to find Nat?" Clint asks.

"Of course."

"Then come with me, Mel." Clint says putting his arm around Melinda and leading her in the direction of the gyms where Natasha is.

"Okay, was who was that?" Sam asks Steve, sounding shocked.

"I have no idea." Steve admits, wanting to know.

"If that's how Barton greats her I really want to see what Romanoff does." Sam says

"Yeah, me too." Steve says and he and Sam follow the two former S.H.I.E.L.D agents.

* * *

"So, where is Nat?" Melinda asks as she and Clint walk through the halls.

"Gym, she's giving the new recruits some lessons." Clint explains.

"Alone?" Melinda asks as she knows that most people can't handle Natasha's teaching methods.

"Maria's with her." Clint explains.

"That's not a comfort, Clint." Melinda tells him.

"Wow, I can't believe you're saying this; Miss Agent with the record of sending the most rookies to medical during training." Clint says with a smirk.

"You're one to talk, you're in second place." Melinda reminds him.

"Which is why Maria said I'm not allowed anywhere near training." Clint informs Melinda, who can't help but laugh, a real laugh, one that she is only starting to get used to having again.

"What?" Melinda asks, seeing the look on Clint's face.

"I've missed hearing that." Clint admits, "It's been too long."

"Yeah, I guess it has." Melinda admits as she and Clint arrive at the gym.

As Clint and Melinda walk into the gym Melinda sees Natasha giving instructions to Maria and people she knows to be James Rhodes, Sharon Carter and twins Pietro and Wanda.

"Nat!" Clint calls, "You forget to tell me something?" he asks.

"May." Maria and Sharon, both of whom know Melinda, say shock.

"I figured you would prefer to be surprised." Natasha comments, "You're timing's perfect, I was just about to give a demonstration, do you want to help me out?" she asks Melinda curious.

"Of course." Melinda says handing her bag to Clint before removing her shoes and jacket, which has her gun in it, and handing them to Clint to.

"Everyone gets back." Maria says as Clint purposely walks back, knowing perfectly well how much space Melinda and Natasha need when they spar

"What's going on?" Sam asks as he and Steve walk into the room and Maria, Rhodey, Pietro, Wanda and Sharon walk over to Clint.

"You'll see." Clint says with a smirk as he knows that everyone is going to be very impressed with what they are going to see.

"What's Mel doing here?" Maria asks Clint in a whisper as she walks over and stands next to him while he puts Melinda's bag over his shoulder.

"I have no idea." Clint admits as Melinda and Natasha start to spar.

"Not even a minute and they're already sparing." Sharon says, going between surprise and amazement as even though she knows both Natasha and Melinda it seems fast to already be sparing, even for them.

"It's how they say hello." Maria explains and those who have never seen Melinda and Natasha fight watch in shock as Natasha and Melinda spare. It being clear that the two of them are both highly skilled and close to one another in skill level.

"Okay, who is that?" Sam asks shocked after a minute as unless they are enhanced he has never seen anyone come close to holding their own against Natasha, and not only is Melinda doing that she is fighting back, actually managing to land blows.

"Agent Melinda May." Maria says.

"S.H.I.E.L.D Legend." Clint adds with a grin.

"Legend?" Steve asks, not being able to help his curiosity.

"Yeah, though she hates that." Maria explains, "She was my SO."

"And mine." Sharon adds.

"And mine." Clint adds, "She brought me into S.H.I.E.L.D." Clint explains and Steve and Sam realise that that explains his reaction.

"May started S.H.I.E.L.D at 18, she was recruited by Peggy Carter herself." Maria explains, and Steve realises that that's why May looks familiar, he's seen a picture of her in Peggy's room, "She worked closely with Fury, and was Phil Coulson's partner since they started." Maria explains.

"Okay, that's an impressive resume." Sam comments.

"You have no idea." Clint says, sounding proud of his friend.

"Why haven't we met before now?" Steve asks curious as it seems, to him, that May is a perfect candidate for the Avengers.

"She's was in pain." Wanda says, "She's hurting less right now, but the scars still remain and fresh ones have begun to form that may end up hurting more." She informs the others, causing Clint to frown.

"Did something happen to her?" Pietro asks.

"Yeah, you could say that, Kid." Clint say causing the others, at least those who don't know anything about the story of the Cavalry or Bahrain, to exchange confused looks, honestly he is more concerned about what Wanda said about the fresh scars than the past.

"What's May doing here?" Fury asks walking into the room, with The Vision, and seeing what is going on before anyone can say anything.

"No clue." Clint answers, "But I'll find out."

* * *

"Okay are you two going to stop anytime soon? Coz I'd like a drink now." Clint says, about twenty minutes later, and as they fight both Melinda and Natasha roll their eyes, but at the same time they both agree without speaking that they'll stop after one of them get knocked to the mat again.

It takes almost ten minutes, but Natasha gets knocked to the mats, and once she does Melinda helps her up.

"I win." Natasha says as Melinda helps her.

"Yeah, you do." Melinda says as she got knocked down more than Natasha did.

"I'm glad you're here." Natasha says as she pulls Melinda into a hug once she is standing.

"Me too." Melinda admits as she returns the hug.

"So, what did you learn?" Natasha asks, looking at Rhodey, Pietro, Wanda, Sharon and Sam.

"Never to get into a fight with either of you." Rhodey says.

"Good answer, but not the point." Natasha says, "Think about it, I want an answer tomorrow." She informs them, "Did you say something about a drink?" she asks Clint.

"Oh yeah." Clint says, "Maria you joining?" he asks as Melinda uses him to keep her balance while she puts her shoes back on.

"Maybe later, no good comes from drinking with you three." She tells them as she has experienced that way too many times.

"Your loss." Natasha says.

"Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure it's my gain." Maria admits, receiving three identical eye rolls in response.

"We'll see you later." Clint says and he, Natasha and Melinda leave, Clint still holding Melinda's bag.

"You'll check up on them in a few hours, right?" Fury says to Maria, trying to make it sound like suggestion though Maria know it's not.

"Of course." Maria answers.

"Good." Fury says before leaving.

"Why would they need checking up on?" Pietro asks curious.

"Because no one can drink like Barton, Romanoff and May." Sharon says, "Except maybe you." She adds looking at Steve.

* * *

After leaving the gym Clint, Natasha and Melinda head to Natasha's rooms and as before Natasha and Melinda have even sat on the couch Clint has poured them drinks.

"So, do you want to share that long story now?" Clint asks curious as he sits sideways, over the arm rest of a chair after handing Natasha and Melinda their drinks.

"No, but I will." Melinda says, "I left."

"S.H.I.E.L.D?" Clint and Natasha asks shocked.

"Yeah." Melinda says with a nod, "Since S.H.I.E.L.D fells things have been complicated but I thought Phil and I were partners again that we were a team, but he was lying to me the entire time." Melinda reveals, "And the person I was training found out the truth about Bahrain and….. After everything that happened I just needed some time away." Melinda admits and Clint and Natasha exchange looks, both of them realising that there is something that Melinda isn't saying.

"Well, you can stay here as long as you want." Natasha tells her.

"You could even stay permanently if you wanted to." Clint says, knowing that there is no chance that Melinda will even consider it, but wanting to make the offer anyway.

"I'll think about it." Melinda says to Clint and Natasha's shock, before she downs the shot that she is drinking.

* * *

Hours later Melinda has passed out from drinking too much while Clint and Natasha, are only slightly tipsy because after they realised how far from okay Melinda is and thought it would be better if they didn't drink.

"Is she okay?" Natasha asks Clint as he walks back in the room from carrying Melinda to Natasha's spare bedroom.

"We both know she's not, but she's asleep and seems to be in no danger." Clint explains, "What I want to know is what the hell happened." Clint tells Natasha.

"You and me both." Natasha admits.

"Do you think we should call Phil?" Clint asks as he sits down next to Natasha.

"Not until we know more." Natasha says, as she would bet on Phil being at least part of the reason why Melinda is so far from okay, "But I just sent a message to Maria, she's been communicating with Phil she might know something."

"It's worth a try." Clint says, "She doesn't let herself drink enough to pass out, not unless things are really bad." He says, it being clear that he is worried.

"I know." Natasha says as they hear a knock on the door, "Come in Maria." She calls and not just Maria but Fury walks in too, which honestly doesn't surprise Clint or Natasha.

"Where's Mel?" Maria asks curious.

"Passed out." Clint answers, simply.

"What the hell has been going on?" Natasha asks looking between Maria and Fury who exchange a look, a look which both she and Clint recognize.

"No. don't even think about saying what you're about to say." Clint tells them, anger in his voice, "You owe us, after waiting months before telling us Phil was alive you owe us." He says as it was only a few weeks before S.H.I.E.L.D fell that he and Natasha found out that Phil was alive.

"Things have been difficult, that much I know." Maria says, giving in first, "Phil started to experience side effects from the procedures that brought him back, and Melinda was doing her best to watch his back while knowing that she might have to put him down if it came to it. Phil ordered her to if he got too bad." She says and both Clint and Natasha feel anger at that as they know what an order like that would have done to Melinda.

"An agent, Carter's cousin, died on a mission months ago and another, the agent May has been training and who she had become quite close to, gained abilities." Fury says, doing so because the look Natasha is giving him tells him that he is not going to get away with not saying anything, "There was another group, led by Robert Gonzales that thought they were the real S.H.I.E.L.D, and they infiltrated Phil and Melinda's, it was basically a Civil War." Fury admits, having been completely briefed by Coulson so he knows exactly what happened, "While that was happening, after helping Coulson escape, May found out that he had been lying about many things, including what he was doing with me, and the fact that he had been seeing Andrew behind her back, and since then things have been far from okay between them." Fury explains, Phil didn't come out and say that but it was clear from what he said, didn't say, and implied.

"The agent who developed powers was found by others like her and the leader, who turned out to be the mother of the agent, made it seem like S.H.I.E.L.D was starting a war so that she could start one. There was a battle, people died. The agent who May had been training turned against her, fought her. The agent came back and helped fix things, but Phil lost a hand." Maria explains and Clint and Natasha exchange confused looks as they can't see Melinda leaving Phil after something like that which means that things between Phil and Melinda are worse than it seems, "The last time I talked to Phil he said that Melinda went on holiday with Andrew."

"How long ago was that?" Clint asks.

"Only a couple of days." Maria answers, "He said that she left three days ago."

"Mel called me yesterday to say she was coming by if that was okay." Natasha informs the others.

"Which means things with Andrew either went really well or really bad." Clint realises, "Anyone want to take bets on which?"

"Not particularly." Fury says.

"Do you think Mel's going to stick around or head back?" Maria asks curious.

"I honestly couldn't say, and I've known Mel for twenty three years." Clint admits and that honestly scares him as he is usually able to get a pretty good idea about what Melinda is going to do but at the moment he has none.

"Well if she's staying then there needs to be a place for her." Natasha says before leaving, needing to talk to someone.

* * *

After leaving her rooms Natasha heads straight to the gym where she knows she will find the person she wants to talk to. Just like Natasha was expecting she finds Steve one of the stronger punching bags, just like he does most nights.

"I know I'm interrupting your brooding time, but I need to talk to you." Natasha says.

"From what I heard I expected you to still be drinking." Steve says as he turns around.

"Yeah well, Mel drunk enough for all three of us." Natasha informs Steve.

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know." Natasha admits.

"And that worries you." Steve realises.

"It does." Natasha confirms to Steve's surprise.

"You've known Agent May a long time, right?" Steve asks, attempting to get some explanation about who Melinda is to his friends.

"Yeah, since '97." Natasha explains, "After Clint, she was the first person to welcome me to S.H.I.E.L.D, she went to bat for me." She says as she walks over and sits on the pile of mats, "Clint was facing charges and jail time, he risked everything for me and Mel fought for him, she fought for both of us." Natasha reveals, as Steve walks over and sits next to her without a word, "She talked to me, I'm still not entirely sure how she managed to get into the room I was in, but she did, and she talked to me like a human being. It was only five minutes and the next thing I know she was defending me to Fury. She was telling, not asking, telling, Fury to give me a chance and she took me, and Clint who basically everyone wanted out of the agency, on as her responsibility, any mistake we made would have been on her, but she didn't care, she wanted us to have a chance. I'll always be thankful for that." Natasha admits as she knows that if it wasn't for what Clint and Melinda did for her then she wouldn't be who she is today. Everyone else, even Phil, took longer to come around, but not Melinda and Clint.

"Agent May seems like a pretty great person." Steve says, being amazed by the story.

"She is." Natasha confirms, "Mel had been working with Phil Coulson to rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D since the fall." Natasha explains, not worrying about what she is saying as Fury explained everything to Steve, and Tony after Ultron, "But I don't know if she's going to go back, whether she can. If she can't does she have a place here?"

"Absolutely." Steve answers, not even needing to think about it.

* * *

When Melinda wakes she is confused about where she is and what is going then the events of the before comes back to her, along with a massive headache. It takes longer than usual but after a few minutes Melinda gets up and heads to the other room so that she can start Tai-Chi.

Melinda has only been doing Tai-Chi for a few minutes when she hears two steps of footsteps and as soon as she hears then Melinda knows exactly who they are. She isn't surprised to hear Natasha's as quiet often she and Natasha do Tai-Chi together, but she is surprised to hear Clint's.

"I thought you were allergic to being up early." Melinda says looking at Clint as he and Natasha come into her line of sight.

"I am, but I wanted to talk to you and the best time for that is when you're doing Tai-Chi." Clint inform his friend.

"It's also the most annoying." Melinda comments as she focuses on her movements.

"Since when has that ever stopped us?" Natasha asks and Melinda gives an amused smirk at that.

For a while Melinda, Clint and Natasha are silent while Melinda does her Tai-Chi routine and Clint and Natasha watch. All three of them trying to outdo the others with stubbornness, something which is not easy to do.

"Okay we can either be silent all day waiting for one of us to crack or we can actually talk about what we're all thinking." Clint says after about half an hour of silence.

"You just cracked." Melinda says as she finishes the last of her routine.

"Yeah, well, one of us have to you and you two are ten times more stubborn than me." Clint says with a shrug.

"More like a hundred." Natasha corrects, and Melinda nods, "So… How's Andrew?" Natasha asks, watching Melinda closely for her reaction.

"Good." Melinda says, not bothering to ask how Natasha knows they've talked, "He's engaged and we got some closure."

"That's good." Clint says as the three of them walk over to the table, "What's going on Mel? Really?" he says and Melinda avoids looking at Clint and Natasha as they all sit down.

"Hey, this is us you're talking to, after everything we've been through, everything we've seen and everything we've done there nothing you can't tell us." Natasha says, attempting to be as supportive as possible.

"S.H.I.E.L.D fell, it was my life and it fell." Melinda says, knowing that if it was anyone other than Natasha and Clint sitting with her then she wouldn't be saying what she is going to say, "But I didn't dwell on that because I had other things to focus on. I had to help rebuild and lead, help Phil deal with the side effects of TAHITI and train Skye, I had to teach her how to be an agent, so I didn't have time to dwell on what I had lost."

"But now you have." Clint realises.

"I though Phil and I were partners, but we weren't." Melinda says, looking hurt about that, "He asked me to shot him if he lost it and he didn't tell me what he was doing with Fury or that he was talking to Andrew. He just told me enough to use my loyalty for his own good." Melinda says, not really sure how she feels about everything but she does know she is hurt, and sighs, "I know we're spies and I know that keeping secrets is what we do…"

"But it still hurts." Natasha finishes and Melinda nods, "That's okay Mel, we're not the robots people believe us to be."

"Sometimes I think that would be easier." Melinda admits, surprising and honestly scaring, Clint and Natasha.

"No you don't." Clint says, knowing that or at least hoping that.

"Don't I?" Melinda asks, "Phil hated me when I kept secrets from him and then he turned around and did the same thing." Melinda says as that was one of the things that got her the most, the fact that Phil knew how much it hurt to be the one lied to and still did, "Between that and what happened to Skye, it's all too much. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can go back." Melinda admits, shocking Clint and Natasha and causing them to become worried about her.

"Then don't." Clint says, "If you don't want to then don't. If I've learnt anything in the last three years it's that you've got to do what matters to you, not what's expected or what others want." Clint says, internally he is hoping that his friend stays because then he can help her, but he also knows that if Melinda goes back to S.H.I.E.L.D then he's going to visiting a lot.

"I talked to Steve last night." Natasha informs Melinda, "If you don't want to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D then there's a place here for you, with us." She says and Melinda is surprised by that, though a part of her is grateful that Natasha has given her that option.

"You don't have to make up your mind now but just think about it." Clint adds and the three of them drift into silence once more.

"I think." Melinda says, uncertainly as she isn't sure whether it is the right choice, "I think I want to stay here, at least for a little while."

"Then welcome Home." Natasha tells her with a grin, glad to have Melinda there even if it is just for a little while.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

* * *

It has been four days since Melinda arrived at the New Avengers facility, a week since she left The Playground and in that time she has realised that leaving may have been the best thing she could have done as just being around Natasha and Clint, and even the others, makes things seem better.

It is about lunch time and Melinda is out on the grounds doing Tai-Chi, something which she has been doing a lot of lately.

"Coulson thinks you're on holiday with Andrew." A voice says and Melinda turns to see Maria. "I won't tell him the truth if you don't want me to, but I thought you would want to know that that's what he thinks." Maria says as she walks over.

"I don't want him to know the truth." Melinda admits, "But I don't think I care what he thinks." Melinda says.

"Wow. You know how kids don't like it when Mommy and Daddy fight, well adults don't like it either." Maria informs Melinda, sounding completely serious.

"Phil and I aren't your parents." Melinda informs Maria.

"You practically are." Maria admits, "I mean you, Phil, Clint and Nat have been more like parents to me than my actual one's ever were." She says, feeling like it could help Melinda to hear that as while she may not know what's going on she does know that Melinda isn't okay.

"Really?" Melinda asks, stopping what she is doing so that she can really look at Maria.

"Yeah I mean, I wasn't quiet eighteen when we met. You four looked out for me, you taught me, you lectured me and kicked my ass when I needed it. You were parents to me, whether you realised it or not." Maria admits. She would be the first to admit that she didn't come from the best backgrounds which is why everything Melinda, Clint, Natasha, and Phil have done means so much.

"Wow." Melinda says not sure what to say to that.

"MAY!" A voice yells and Melinda and Maria turn to see Sharon.

"Yeah?" Melinda calls back.

"Romanoff want's you. We need your help with something." Sharon explains.

"Be right there." Melinda says, "Don't tell Phil where I am, please."

"I won't." Maria promises while Melinda runs off to catch up with Sharon.

* * *

"What does Nat think I can help with?" Melinda asks Sharon curious as they make their way to one of the conference rooms.

"Nat will explain." Sharon says, shifting awkwardly as there is something that she wants to ask but she isn't sure how to bring it up.

"Is there something you want to ask?" Melinda asks after noticing her former student's actions.

"Um, yeah." Sharon says, "It's about Antoine." Sharon says and Melinda tenses at that as she realises what's coming and that she should have known, "Do you know…did he…did he suffer?" She asks as ever since Sharon found out her cousin had died she wondered that, "Don't sugar coat it, please."

"I wasn't with him, but I have talked to the person who was." Melinda says as she stops walking so that she can really look at Sharon, "From what she said it was painless. He turned to stone and shattered into pieces." Melinda says, trying to be as gentle as possible, but at the same time she wants to tell Sharon the truth as Melinda knows that Sharon deserves it from her.

"Thank you, Mel, I needed to hear that." Sharon admits.

"Are you alright?" Melinda asks.

"Yeah, I think so, knowing that helps." Sharon reveals, "I don't know if I've said it yet, but it's really good to see you, I'm glad you're here." Sharon says, completely meaning what she is saying.

"Thanks, we should go, Nat doesn't like waiting." Melinda says and Sharon nods.

* * *

"What's going on?" Melinda asks Natasha a few minutes after her conversation with Sharon about what happened to Trip when she walks into the conference room where Clint, Natasha, Steve, Sam, Vision, Fury, Rhodey, Wanda and Pietro are

"I need a pilot that has amazing skills and questionable sanity." Natasha informs Melinda.

"And what, you automatically think of me?" Melinda asks, not sure how she should feel about that.

"You once safely landed a plane with one wing while losing control." Fury reminds her, honestly that is something that impressed him, which doesn't happen often. Hearing that both Sam and Rhodey are impressed with that as they both know how difficult managing something like that is.

"That was thirty years ago." Melinda points out.

"Which makes it even more impressive." Clint says.

"What do you need?" Melinda asks Natasha, ignoring Clint's comments.

"Someone to fly a team into an area of conflict, drop us, and provide us with aerial support while we complete the mission." Natasha explains.

"Everything you just explained Clint can do. Why do you need me?" Melinda ask as if it wasn't completely out of character for her she would think that Natasha is offering just to make her feel useful.

"The area we'll be flying into has anti-aircraft missiles, it's going to take War Machine, Vision, and Falcon a few minutes to destroy them which means we need someone good at dodging, and you're better at that than me." Clint explains, "So you in?"

"Sure." Melinda says, feeling like it could be good, "When do we leave?"

"Later this afternoon." Steve answers, "Do you need tactical gear?" he asks Melinda.

"Nah, I have my own, but thanks." Melinda says.

"Okay, now that that's figured out let's get to work. We've got a mission to prep for." Steve tells everyone and that's just what they do.

* * *

At the Playground Phil Coulson is sitting on his office going thought the paperwork that has been piling up in the last week when he hears a knock.

"Come on." Phil calls and Skye walks in.

"Lincoln, with Mack's help, managed to sedate Fitz." Skye informs Coulson as she sits down across from him.

"Good, that's good." Coulson informs Skye as he knows that it's been days since Fitz slept.

"Have you called May?" Skye asks curious.

"No. And I'm not going to." Coulson informs Skye.

"Are you serious? We need her." Skye says, "Simmons is missing, Bobbi's out of action and we have no idea how many other Inhuman's are out here, plus Ward is out there doing whatever the hell he is doing." Skye says, "We need her, Coulson. You need to call her."

"No." Coulson says there being no room for questioning in his voice, "May's on holiday, for the first time ever. For the first time ever she's actually taking time to herself to relax, taking time away. She's with Andrew and I'm not going to ruin that." Coulson says, "And you're not either."

"But…" Skye starts to say.

"That's an order, Agent Johnson." Coulson says, shocking Skye as only told Coulson the day before that she was going to start using Johnson as her last name.

"Fine. But when May gets back and is pissed as hell at you because you didn't call her about Simmons then you'll deserve whatever she does." Skye says before storming out of the office.

"That's if she comes back." Phil mutters as Skye leaves.

* * *

"Something wrong?" Hunter asks from the couch as Skye storms down the stairs.

"He won't call May! Even with everything that's going on. He won't call her." Skye says as she walks over and sits next to him.

"He's probably worried that she won't answer his calls." Hunter comments.

"Why wouldn't she?"

"You're kidding right?" Hunter asks surprised, as even though he spent a lot of time with Bobbi he noticed what was going on with Coulson and May.

"No, what am I missing?" Skye asks confused.

"Coulson lied to May for a year. He didn't tell her about Theta protocol, or that he was meeting with Andrew. She defended him against Gonzales, risked everything, and he repaid that by continuing to lie. Things between them are far from okay, Skye."

"I… Didn't realise." Skye says, not believing that she didn't see that.

"Why would you? You were too busy ditching and ignoring us for your new family." Hunter comments, not caring about how blunt he is being as he spent enough time with Fitz and Coulson to know how that affected him.

"I probably deserve that." Skye mutters.

"Yeah." Hunter says, "Take it from someone who's been betrayed and lied to by someone I care about, lies and betrayal don't hurt any less just because we do what we do, in a lot of ways it makes it hurt a hell of a lot more."

"I…. I didn't know."

"Yeah. May left because that's what she needed to do, let her have her time away Skye. Don't force her to come back." Hunter tells Skye.

"I won't." Skye says, feeling like after what she did to May and after what Hunter just said that maybe it was at least partly her fault that May left.

* * *

It has been a few hours since Natasha told Melinda that they needed the pilot and since they the group finished their mission prep before heading out and now, hours later Melinda, Natasha, Steve, Clint, Sharon, Vision, Rhodey, Sam, Wanda and Pietro are on the Quinjet on their way to the location.

"We're five minutes out from the drop zone." Melinda says leaving the cockpit to talk to the others.

"Okay. Everyone suit up." Steve says.

"Wanda because it's your first jump you're jumping with Sharon, Pietro you're with Clint." Natasha instructs as everyone who needs to puts on parachutes, and the twins nod, it being clear that they are nervous.

"Everyone clear on what they have to do?" Steve asks once everyone is ready.

"Yes Captain." Everyone answers.

"Kick it in the ass." Melinda tells Natasha and Clint before she heads back to the cockpit causing the two assassins to grin as that is what Melinda used to tell them before every mission.

"Sixty seconds to drop zone." Melinda says as she gets back to the cockpit.

"Got it." Steve says.

"Just breathe." Clint tells Pietro, "it will be over before you know it." He says and Pietro gives a shaky nod.

"Drop zone approaching." Melinda says, "Go, go, go." Melinda instructs and just like they discussed Visions, Sam and Rhodey fly out before Steve and Natasha jump, then Sharon, Wanda, Clint and Pietro do.

For the next few minutes Melinda uses the Quinjet to dodge the missiles and get some of her own off while doing her best to provide support for the others.

"May, come in May." Natasha's voice says through the coms, "Can you hear me?'"

"May here. You're coming in loud and clear, Widow, what do you need?" Melinda responds.

"Good. We need a surgical strike, you up for it?" Natasha asks, knowing that Melinda will know exactly what she means.

"Yeah, I think I can do that." Melinda says as she switches the plane to autopilot and makes it so it will hover and circle the area, "Hawkeye, what can you tell me?" Melinda asks as she heads to the back of the cockpit and grabs a harness.

"Falcon, Vision, and War Machine are dealing with the big, everyone else dealing with the ugly, the rats are yours." Clint says as Melinda hooks one end of the harness to the quiejet and the other end to herself.

"Are they acting like rats?" Melinda asks as she grabs two guns.

"Yep, exactly like sewer rats." Natasha answers.

"Okay." Melinda says as she opens the back of the quinjet.

"Okay, what the hell are you three saying?" Rhodey asks confused as he recognizes it as form of language that soldiers who have worked together for a long time use, but he doesn't know what they are saying.

"They're talking about how they are going to get this done." Sharon explains having spent enough time with them to know that, so she understood about fifty percent of what Natasha, Clint and Melinda were saying.

"Right you are Agent 13." Melinda says as she stands on the quinjet ramp and starts frying from above hitting, with single bullets, the targets that are hiding so that the people on the ground can't get to and aren't big enough threats for Rhodey, Vision, and Sam to go after.

"Okay, that's impressive." Pietro comments as he stops running to have a look.

"Focus on the mission Speedy." Clint tells him as he fires an arrow off.

"Quicksilver, not Speedy." Pietro corrects as he gets back to what he is doing.

"Agent May, coming in behind you." Wanda says and May turns just in time to see a small plane coming right to her and firing, realising that there is only one thing she can do to avoid getting hit Melinda jumps off the ramp. As she does she keeps firing at the other plane, which she does manage to hit, but it is a hit from Sam that causes it to go down.

"Need a hand?" Sam asks flying over to her.

"Please." Melinda says and Sam grabs her hand and fly's her back onto the ramp of the Quinjet, "Thanks." She tells Sam.

"Anytime." Sam says before flying back into the fight.

"May, bring the plane down." Steve instructs, a few minutes later, having been pretty impressed with and proud of what his entire team just did, including May.

"On it." Melinda says as she detaches herself from the harness and heads back to the cockpit.

* * *

Two hours later Steve, Natasha, Melinda, Clint, Sharon, Rhodey, Sam, Vision, Pietro and Wanda arrive back at the Avengers facility as they walk out of the quinjet they find Fury, Maria, and Tony Stark waiting.

"Tony." Steve greats when he sees him.

"Captain, mission go well?" Tony asks curious.

"Yeah it did." Steve confirms, "Tony this is Melinda May, Agent May this is…"

"We've met." Tony says before Steve can finish his introduction, "It's good to see you again, Melinda." Tony informs Melinda, actually meaning that.

"Yeah, you to." Melinda responds.

"How do you two know each other?" Steve asks curious, becoming even more surprised that he has never met May when she seems to know everyone that he does.

"Our parents were friends, we spent time together when we were kids." Tony explains, though the last time he saw May was after his parents' funeral when she knocked him out so that he wouldn't drive drunk.

"Okay we can play catch up later. The mission was a success that's cause for celebration." Clint tells everyone.

"Now that's an idea I can get behind." Sam tells everyone and they all head towards the private living area that they all have access to.

* * *

Half an hour later Steve, Tony, Fury, Melinda, Maria, Natasha, Clint, Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, Pietro, Vision and Sharon are in the large private living area that they all have access to.

"So how many potential escape routes have you determined?" Natasha asks as she walks over to Melinda, who is sitting by herself, and hands her a drink.

"Twelve, you?" Melinda asks as she accepts the drink while Natasha sits down.

"Thirteen, there's a hidden door in back." Natasha explains and Melinda nods.

"Good to know." Melinda says, "He's taken in strays." Melinda comments as she watches Clint clearly showing Wanda and Pietro how to improve accuracy with popcorn and beer cans.

"Yeah, well after all the time he's spent with you and Phil it was bound to happen eventually." Natasha comments, "You're worried about them, aren't you?" Natasha asks.

"Who?" Melinda asks.

"Your own strays."

"Yeah I am." Melinda confirms, "But even though she's hurt Bobbi's with them. She'll keep them safe." Melinda says as even with everything that has happened with Bobbi in recent months she does trust her because she knows that like her she believes in everything S.H.I.E.L.D is supposed to stand for she just went about assuring that S.H.I.E.L.D lives on in a different way.

"After S.H.I.E.L.D fell Clint and I worried about Bobbi. We should have realised that she was with you." Natasha admits.

"Well, you got Carter it's only fair I got Morse." Melinda informs Natasha.

"That makes us sound like a divorced couple." Natasha comments, sounding amused, and Melinda gives a half amused smile at that.

"That's a popular opinion today. Maria called us, Clint, and Phil her parents today too." Melinda reveals.

"Of course she did." Natasha says, not even surprised, "We better not let Stark hear that, he'll never let us hear the end of it."

"He really wouldn't." Melinda confirms and while watching Clint, Wanda and Pietro the two of them drift into silence, both very well aware that Fury's eyes are on them.

* * *

Across the room, completely aware that Natasha and Melinda know what he's doing, Fury is also sitting alone being completely prepared for an attack though watching Melinda and Natasha, trying to figure out whether they are okay as Natasha and Melinda are two of a very, very small group of people that he genuinely cares about.

"You know if you want to know how they are doing then you should just ask." A voice says and Fury turns to see Steve.

"That was a successful mission today." Fury says, completely ignoring Steve's comment.

"Yeah, it was." Steve confirms, "Agent May's presence helped a lot."

"That's what she does." Fury informs Steve.

"So I'm seeing. You know I'm a little surprised that four days ago was the first time I heard her name." Steve says, "What I'm wondering is why that is." he asks Fury, wanting some answers and being curious enough to ask Fury in hopes that he will feel like actually answering questions for once.

"May retired from field work in 2008." Fury explains, surprising Steve as he knows that for someone with May's skills to retire then something big must have happened.

"What happened?"

"There was a mission, in Bahrain. May had to make a choice, an impossibly hard one." Fury says, knowing what happened because he read May's report, he was the only one to do so, "She made the right call, saved a lot of people, but it was the kind of call that no one should have to make." Fury explains, "It destroyed her, and she left field work not long after."

Even though he is curious about what the call was Steve realises that he's probably better off not knowing, and that it's not Fury's secret to tell, "What happened? Why did she go back into the field?"

"I brought her best friend back to life." Fury answers.

"Coulson." Steve realises.

"I met those two when they were almost eighteen, I recruited Coulson, and Peggy Carter recruited May." Fury says, "They were just kids, but they were more dedicated and skilled than some agents that had decides of experience. They were partners and the three of us worked together on a lot of missions before I became director. We were a team" Fury reveals, knowing that that feels like a lifetime ago now, doing so because he wants Steve to understand just how good of an Agent May is, "After she left field work May shut herself down in the admin department, but she still worked behind the scenes to help her team."

"Barton, Romanoff, and Coulson." Steve says.

"And Hill and Carter, the people she trained." Fury adds, "After New York I knew that I needed someone to watch Coulson so I went to May because she was the person who was most suited." Fury admits, knowing that Steve will realise what he is really saying, "May was angry at first when I told her what I had done, furious actually, I'm not entirely sure she's forgiven me for that." He admits, "I thought that a team would be good for Coulson. Honestly I thought a team would be good for both of them; and it turns out I was right." Fury reveals, being very glad about that as he knows that putting May and Coulson on a plane with a team could have backfired on him and he's very glad that it didn't.

"So what you're saying is that May sticking around could be a good thing." Steve realises.

"Captain, it's a very, very good thing."

* * *

Hours later everyone are either in their own rooms, on their way, or somewhere else in the facility.

"Captain." A voice says when Steve is on his way to his room and he turns to see Maria "Here." She says handing over a tablet.

"Why do I need this?" Steve asks as he accepts the tablet.

"It has Agent May's S.H.I.E.L.D personnel file on it, everything except for what happened in Bahrain. It should answer all of your questions." Maria explains as Fury asked her to give it to Steve.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

On the opposite side of the facility as to where Maria and Steve are Clint, Natasha and Melinda are in Natasha's room together.

"So, what did you think of your first Avengers mission?" Clint asks curious.

"It reminded me of some of the things we did back in the day, only with a lot more back up." Melinda admits.

"Sounds about right." Natasha comments, remembering some of the things that the three of them and Coulson had to do.

"So, you've taken in strays." Melinda says to Clint.

"Yep." Clint says with a grin, "They're good kids, they were just misguided. They had no one, Mel."

"And now they have you."

"Yeah they do." Clint confirms, "I was just doing what you would have done, what you have done."

"I know, and I'm proud of you Clint." Melinda tells her friend.

"Thanks Mel." Clint says leaning over and giving Melinda a hug.

"Aww, aren't you two cute." Natasha comments with a smirk. At Natasha's comment Clint and Melinda exchange a grin, grin which Natasha recognizes and which causes her to lose the smirk, "No, no, don't even think about it." She warns and without another word Clint and Melinda have jumped up and rushing towards Natasha, who did the exact same thing except she went running in the opposite direction.

As she runs Natasha runs straight to the kitchen area where she grabs the tap and points it at Melinda and Clint, her finger being on the button to turn it on. "Don't come any closer, I'm warning you."

"A tap? Really Nat?" Clint asks and in response Natasha starts spraying them and Melinda and Clint both try to get the tap off of her which just ends with all three of them, and most of the kitchen getting drenched.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

**AN1: TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM**

**AN2:**  Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review or comment, please.

* * *

The next morning Melinda gets up at her unusual time to do Tai-Chi and within a few minutes Natasha has joined her and together they do Tai-Chi for nearly an hour.

"I'm going to go for a run. I'll see you later." Melinda informs Natasha once they are done.

"Really?" Natasha asks surprised as Melinda doesn't run often as she used to say that she got enough running in the field so why do it in her spare time.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." Melinda tells Natasha before leaving. As Natasha watches her friend go Natasha frowns as she knows her friend well enough to know that Melinda runs when something is seriously bothering her.

* * *

As Melinda runs through the grounds of the Avengers Facility she knows that she has worried Natasha, but she also knows that she has no chance of getting away with outright lying to her so until she figures everything out Natasha is going to worry and there's nothing she can do, no matter how much she may want to.

While she runs Melinda can see Phil tell her about Hydra infiltrating S.H.I.E.L.D. She can hear Natasha telling her that Phil is dead. She can hear the person on the other end of the phone telling her that Fury is dead. She can see Skye throwing Bahrain in her face, telling her that she isn't welcome, and using her powers against her. She can see Phil ordering her to shot her. She can see the video evidence of Phil's lies. She can see Phil telling her his reasons why he did what he did, and she can see what happened in Bahrain. As she remembers Melinda finds herself running harder, trying to out run the past.

"Agent May?" A voice says and Melinda turns to see Sam and she realises that she was so focused that she didn't even hear him, something which would have never normally happened.

"Wilson." May says in response.

"You can call me Sam if you would like." Sam informs Melinda.

"I'll do that." Melinda responds, "I'm just May or Melinda if you would prefer." Melinda offers, figuring that she should be polite.

"I'll do that." Sam says and the two of them continue to run. As they run Sam realises that he recognizes the look on May's face, it's a look he's seen many times. It's a look he's seen on many solder's faces, it's a look of a soldier who has lost faith in what they do and who they work for, a look of a solider who's seen and lost too much.

"How long have you been a S.H.I.E.L.D agent?" Sam asks curious.

"Since not long before I turned eighteen." Melinda answers, only answering Sam's question as she figures that it may help her not to run herself into the ground.

"Wow. So everything that happened with Hydra must have been a shock for you." Sam realises.

"It really was." Melinda says and she tries to force herself to run faster. At Melinda's reaction Sam realises that that must have been at least part of the reason why the look he is seeing is on Melinda's face.

"So are you going to be staying here for a while?" Sam asks curious.

"I think so." Melinda answers, still not entirely sure if she is but it seems like the most likely option.

"Are you heading back up?" Sam asks when they reach a fork in the road, one path heads back to the building while the other heads away.

"No, I'm going to keep going." Melinda answers and she continues to run, Sam on the other hand heads back to the building, planning on going to find Natasha or Clint.

* * *

Fifteen minutes after Melinda talked to Sam she is sitting on the grounds on the facility just thinking about everything when she hears someone running, but running very quickly and she looks up to see Pietro holding Wanda.

"Yes?" Melinda asks looking up at the twins.

"I've been trying not to use my powers around people here, but sometimes I can't help it." Wanda informs Melinda as she jumps down from her brother's arms.

"And you've sensed something about me." Melinda realises, "I'm sorry, no one should have to see what's in my head." She informs Wanda, completely meaning that.

"That includes you." Wanda tells Melinda waking over and sitting next to Melinda, "What you did, was what you had to do."

"That doesn't make it right." Melinda informs Wanda.

"Nothing can, but if you didn't a lot more people would have died and she would have never stopped." Wanda explains.

"How do you know?" Melinda asks as even though she knows how powerful Wanda is isn't sure that she could know that.

"I've seen your memories of what happened. I was able to use that to sense what her intentions were." Wanda explains.

"Oh." Melinda says, not sure how to respond to that as Wanda is clearly more powerful than the other people she has met, including the inhuman's.

"It's okay that you're hurting, but you should let your friends help you." Wanda tells Melinda, there being worry in her voice, "After what your friend and student, the person you consider a daughter, did it's understandable to be hurt. He did lie, and they did betray you." She says and in response Melinda just gives a nod, not sure what else to say.

"Incoming." Pietro says and Clint, Natasha, Maria, and Sharon walk into Melinda and Wanda's line of sight.

"Everything okay here?" Clint asks curious, trying not to make it noticeable that his eyes lingered on Melinda for a few seconds.

"Yeah." Melinda tells him, being almost positive that she is lying.

"Huh, I never noticed the view here is actually pretty nice." Sharon comments as Natasha sits down next to Melinda as she did realise that Melinda was lying.

"It really is." Maria confirms.

"It's like the perfect place for a picnic." Clint says, "And now I'm hungry." He says causing both Natasha and Melinda to roll their eyes.

"You're always hungry." Melinda reminds her.

"Yeah, well. I am right about the picnic thing." Clint argues.

"You are, surprisingly." Sharon comments as she too sits down.

"Too bad food's too far away." Clint mutters as he knows that he can't be bothered going back up to the facility to get food and carry it all the way back.

"I can fix that." Pietro says before running back towards the facility's building. A couple of minutes later Pietro returns carrying a basket full of food and a picnic rug.

"Now that's a good use of superpowers." Clint says with a grin.

"Did you run to the nearest store to get the rug?" Maria asks surprised.

"No. just the wardrobe." Pietro explains as he hands the rug to Clint and Maria who put it on the ground.

"You forgot drinks." Wanda informs her brother.

"Be right back." Pietro says before once more running off and retuning with lemonade.

"Really?" Natasha asks seeing what he got.

"I've seen your movies you drink lemonade at picnics." Pietro says sounding proud, "Right?" he asks uncertainly.

"Yeah, you do kid." Clint tells him and being amused by Clint's reaction Melinda signs 'You softy' at him which causes Natasha to grin, "Yeah, I guess so." Clint responds, sounding pretty happy about that.

"Mel either just called you a softy or told you to stick it." Maria says and Clint, Natasha and Melinda turn to look at her, "What? My ASL isn't great." She says being pretty sure that after all the years she has known Clint that it should be much better.

"Yeah, you're right about that." Natasha tells Maria.

"I may know less than you but I'm pretty sure May didn't say stick it." Sharon comments as you can't spend time around Clint, Natasha, Melinda and Coulson without picking up at least a little sign language as Melinda, Natasha, and Coulson all made sure that they can speak it fluently to help Clint.

"I didn't." Melinda confirms.

"Why do you know sign language?" Pietro asks confused.

"Because I'm partially deaf." Clint says before removing both his hearing aids, to show the twins as everyone else knows, "If it wasn't for these I would hear very, very little." Clint explains as thanks to the aids that Bruce and Tony made for him after S.H.I.E.L.D fell he is able to hear better than ever before, though still not quiet perfect.

"Huh." Pietro says, being surprised that he didn't realise, as Clint puts his hearing aids back on.

"Let's eat before the others realise we're missing." Natasha suggests knowing how Clint sometimes gets when he tells someone new about his disability.

"That sounds like a very good idea." Melinda says and that's just what they do.

* * *

After enjoying their picnic Clint, Natasha, Melinda, Wanda, Pietro, Maria and Sharon retuned to the main building.

While Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Pietro, Maria and Sharon head off for a meeting with the others Melinda heads back to Natasha's rooms and has a shower. After her shower Melinda heads back to the bedroom she was sleeping in and gets change. Once she is changed Melinda sits, cross legged, on the bed and starts to look through her bag, trying to find something. As she searches Melinda finds her retractable knife, which she pulls out. For a while Melinda just stares at the knife, at the black of the blade and slowly she moves the knife moves towards the back of her right ankle which was once covered in scares that have long ago faded. Before she can think better of it Melinda places the blade against her skin and drags it against it. The stinging only last a few seconds but that doesn't bother Melinda as for the first time, in a very, very long time she is in charge of the pain she is feeling. As she watches the blood drip down her leg Melinda drags the blade across her skin again and again, feeling a sense of relief and control every time she does.

Five minutes later Melinda looks down at her leg, and the blood covering her foot, and realises just what she has done, but oddly enough she doesn't regret it as it did help. Moving quickly Melinda grabs one of her black t-shirts and puts it under her foot, in an attempt to avoid getting more blood on the bed. Once the T-shirt is on the bed Melinda searches through her bag and pulls out a first aid kit which she pulls betadine and dressings out of.

Once she opens the betadine Melinda pours it over her leg, the T-shirt collecting some of the spill before she puts the dressing over the wounds. Once her cuts are dealt with Melinda gets started on a plan to clean up the mess she made before Natasha or Clint can figure out what happened.

* * *

"Have you seen Mel since she went to have a shower?" Natasha asks Clint curious a while after they came back inside when they are both in the gym with Sharon.

"No." Clint answers and Natasha frowns, "its Mel, I'm sure she's fine." Clint tells Melinda, trying to convince himself.

"You don't believe that." Natasha says, knowing her partner.

"No, but I'm trying to." Clint admits.

"Well you can both stop worrying." Sharon, who has heard the entire conversation, tells Natasha and Clint as Melinda walks into the gym wearing leggings that go over her feet and thus covers the dressing on the back of her ankle.

"Where are the others?" Melinda asks curious as she walks over to Clint, Sharon and Natasha.

"Doing boring things." Clint answers.

"Oh and what interesting thing were you going to do?" Melinda asks.

"Shooting contest." Natasha answers.

"In which Clint will beat everyone at." Melinda says.

"True, but that doesn't mean it won't be fun." Sharon says, "You in?"

"What are we using?" Melinda asks curious.

"Well Steve doesn't like it when we fire guns in here so we're using Clint's Bow." Natasha explains, as a bow is something all four of them can use, "So, same question, are you in?"

"Yeah, I'm in." Melinda confirms.

"Then Carter, you're up first." Clint says handing his bow over, "Loser buys drinks." He tells everyone.

"Drinks are free here." Natasha reminds him.

"Who said I planned on drinking here?" Clint says as Sharon gets into position to fire.

* * *

It has been hour since Melinda, Clint, Natasha and Sharon competed in an archery contest where unsurprisingly Clint won, Natasha came in second, Melinda third and Sharon fourth. The four former agents, along with Maria Hill who tagged along, are sitting in a pub in a close by town.

"Okay. I'm starving anyone else want something to eat?" Clint asks.

"Schnitzel please." Sharon requests.

"Me too, with extra gravy." Maria requests.

"Okay. Nat? Mel?" Clint asks.

"Sure." They both responds, knowing that they don't have to say anymore as Clint knows how they like schnitzels.

"Okay, I'll order it." Clint says before getting up and heading to the bar.

"How is he paying for it?" Melinda asks as las she knew they were all broke.

"Tony set us up with bank accounts." Natasha explains.

"I should have realised." Melinda says, feeling pretty stupid for not.

"So what did Steve say when you told him what we were doing?" Sharon asks Natasha curious.

"I didn't tell him." Natasha says as she takes another drink.

"Yeah, he's not going to be impressed when we get back." Maria comments.

"Oh, well." Melinda says as the four agents drift into silence, all four of them scanning the crowed for potential threats, "Nat, do you see what I see?" Melinda asks as she and Natasha are sitting next to each other with their backs against the room so they have the best view.

"You mean Clint coming back with a tray of shots, yeah, I see." Natasha confirms.

"Is it too late to run?" Maria asks, knowing that if Clint ordered them then the shots will be a lot stronger than normal.

"Oh yeah." Melinda confirms.

"It won't be that bad." Natasha says to the looks of horror on Sharon and Maria's faces.

"Yeah, ten years of experience tells me something very different." Sharon comments as Clint puts the tray of shots on the table.

"Food should be here soon." Clint says as he sits back down.

"Maybe we should wait until we eat to do the shots." Maria suggests.

"That's boring." Clint says before doing one of the shots, "Don't make me drink alone." He says, looking between the other four and without a word Natasha and Melinda each pick up a shot and drink them.

"So are you two going to join in or what?" Natasha asks.

"Only so you three don't drink them all." Maria says before doing a shot and Sharon does one right after.

"Cheers." Clint says before drinking another shot.

* * *

Several hours, serval drinks, and several plates of food later Clint, Natasha, Melinda, Maria and Sharon are all back at the facility. Clint, Natasha, Maria and Sharon have been asleep for a while but Melinda was unable to get to sleep so instead she got up and decided to go for a walk around the facility partly to completely understand the layout, and partly so that she can distract herself from the urge to hurt herself again.

While walking Melinda finds herself at the gym and when she hears someone inside Melinda can't help her curiously so she walks in and she finds Steve beating up on a punching bag. Because she doesn't want to disturb him Melinda just stands in the doorway and watches as she does she realises that Phil would be incredibly jealous if he knew, something which hurts more than she thought it would.

"Can I help you with something?" Steve asks before turning around, "Agent May." Steve says surprised.

"Sorry Captain, I heard someone working out, but I didn't want to intrude." Melinda explains as she walks over to Steve.

"You're not." Steve assures her, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Melinda lies, realising that she's lost count of the amount of times she has said that in recent days.

Even though he isn't entirely sure that he believes what Melinda is saying Steve lets the topic go and instead decides to bring up another one, "So Hill showed me your S.H.I.E.L.D personnel file, it's pretty impressive."

"I was just doing my job." Melinda says with a shrug, trying not to make it seem like it's not a big deal as she never felt like it would.

"It's still impressive." Steve says, "So is what's in your file for non-mission related things." Steve says as the two things that May's file is full of is Commendations for missions and reprimands' for pranks, disobeying orders for the right reason and getting into trouble.

"Yeah, some of that is Clint's fault." Melinda admits, she's not able to blame everything on Clint but she can blame some of her actions.

"That… makes a lot of sense." Steve realises and the two of them drift into silence, "So are you going back to S.H.I.E.L.D?" Steve asks curious after a few minutes.

"I haven't decided yet." Melinda admits, "There's….. It's complicated." She admits.

"Okay." Steve says recognizing the look on Melinda's face which tells him not to push anymore, "Well if you decide not to go back, or even just while you stay here, I'll be glad to have you on my team." Steve says.

"Thank you Captain."

"Call me Steve, Agent May."

"Steve." Melinda repeats, "And it's Melinda."

"Melinda." Steve says with a grin and Melinda walks over to the bag.

"How about I steady this for you." Melinda offers.

"That would be great, thanks." Steve says and he continues to hits the bag while Melinda does her best to steady it.

* * *

After holding the bag for Steve for a little while Melinda and Steve move on to sparing, something which both of them quiet enjoyed as it gave them both a challenge, as even though Steve had the speed and strength Melinda is more skilled they are pretty well matched.

When she gets back to Natasha's rooms Melinda is still feeling wide awake and so she just sits in the bed and flicks her knife open and closed in her figures as she stares at the dressing on her ankle, trying to resist the urge to bring the blade across her skin once more.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

**AN1: TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM**

**AN2** : Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

It has been two weeks since Melinda cut herself for the first time and in the following days she has done so again, more than once.

It has become clear to Natasha and Clint that something is very wrong with their friend, but they haven't managed to get her to open up, something which worries them both tremendously as even though May isn't the most open person they can usually get her to open up to them.

It is about lunch time and Melinda is out on the grounds throwing knifes at targets doing so as a distractions so that she doesn't focus on other things.

Being positive that May knows that he is there Fury is standing up on the tiled area watching Melinda. In the last two weeks Fury has noticed that Melinda has been withdrawn, has looked exhausted, and has always been wearing pants that go over her feet or high boots. Ever since he first noticed those things Fury was reminded of events that happened thirty years ago, and ever since he realised that he has been desperately hoping that he is wrong about what it means.

"You're not wrong." A voice says and Fury turns to see Wanda.

"Are you sure?" Fury asks.

"Positive." Wanda says walking over, "She needs help." Wanda says as the only reason she hasn't said anything sooner is because it wouldn't help coming from her.

"I know." Fury confirms, "But I also know that she won't accept it from me, she's too angry about what I did to Coulson and what I ordered her to do." Fury explains as ever since May arrived at the facility she has barley spoke to him.

"Then you have to tell everything to the two people that she will accept it from, before it's too late." Wanda says before walking away.

After Wanda leaves Fury spends a few more minutes watching Melinda before heading back inside planning on finding Clint and Natasha.

* * *

Once he is inside the first place Fury checks, for Natasha and Clint, is the gym but when he doesn't find either of them there he heads to the shared living area where he finds Natasha and Clint having lunch with Maria, Sharon and Steve.

"Barton, Romanoff, my office." Fury says as he walks past.

Wondering what Fury could want both Clint and Natasha get up and follow him without a word.

"What's that about?" Steve asks Maria and Sharon, figuring that if anyone knows then it would be one of them.

"I could guess." Maria comments as she would bet good money that Fury wants to talk to them about May.

"And?"

"I would prefer not to." Maria answers and Steve frowns.

* * *

"What's going on?" Clint asks when he, Natasha and Fury walk into Fury's office a couple of minutes later.

"Take a seat." Fury requests as he sits down behind his desk.

"No. Either you start talking or we're leaving." Natasha informs him.

"It's a long story, and you're going to want to be sitting down when you hear it." Fury informs Natasha and Clint. Hearing the tone that Fury is using both Natasha and Clint exchange a look and sit back down.

"Start talking." Clint requests.

"Thirty two years ago, six months after I met them, Coulson, May and I were assigned a mission." Fury says, that alone surprises Natasha and Clint as no member of that trio talk about the missions they used to do, "We had intel about a group working with questionable materials, but officially S.H.I.E.L.D couldn't work where they were heled up, so Director Carter unofficially gave us the orders to go in." Fury explains, "It was too risky to send more than three and she said we were the most suited." He explains and Natasha and Clint continue to wonder why Fury is bringing this up, "On our way to the location we had plane trouble and got stuck in whether. We arrived at the location an hour after we were scheduled to." Nick says before sighing, a flash of pain passing over his face, "When we arrived we didn't find the people we were after. What we did find was twelve children their ages ranging from six to thirteen, they were all dead, and according to the ME they were killed less than an hour before we arrived." Fury explains.

"Why are you telling us this?" Natasha asks, as she can't even see the reason, not yet anyway.

"Because what we saw affected us all, in a lot of different ways." Fury says, "For the months that followed May was distant, exhausted, she always wore long pants or boots and she went running every day, for hours if she could manage." Fury explains.

"That sounds a lot like what she's doing now." Clint realises.

"It does." Fury confirms, "Four months after that mission Phil was away for the weekend, he was visiting his mother, so I thought I would go check on May." Fury says, remembering how glad he was that he did that, "I knocked on her door, she didn't answer, but something didn't feel right so I let myself in."

"What did you find?" Natasha asks, not sure if she wants to know as she is beginning to see where this is going.

"I found May sitting on her bed, her blade in her hand and the back of her right leg was covered in cuts." Fury reveals.

"Mel self-harmed?" Clint asks shocked as he didn't see that coming.

"Yeah." Fury confirms, "It was like she was in a trace, but I managed to get through to her." Fury admits, "I helped her treat her injuries and I got her help, out of the agency." Fury says, "It should have been the end of her career, but I knew what S.H.I.E.L.D meant to May, and all the good she could do as an agent so I made sure that no one knew, but I also made sure she got help." Fury reveals, "Before today the only other person who knew this was her therapist, not even Phil knows."

"Mel's hurting herself again, isn't she?" Natasha asks, not sure how to react as she has known Melinda to drink too much, to push herself, to push down and compartmentalise what she is feeling, and to take on what others are feeling so that they don't hurt, but she has never seen Melinda actually hurt herself, she never thought that she would.

"I suspected, and a few minutes ago Wanda confirmed." Fury reveals, "I can't help May this time, there's too much anger between us right now, but you two can. You're the only ones who can." Fury says and it's clear, to him at least, that Natasha and Clint are deeply affected by what Fury just said, "She needs you."

"Thank you for telling us this, Nick." Clint says and both he and Natasha get up and leave the office, both planning on going to talk to Melinda.

"Good luck." Fury says as the two agents leave, hoping that they can get through to May.

* * *

"How are we going to do this?" Clint asks Natasha as they walk to where they last knew Melinda to be.

"We're going to tell her that we know, that we want to help. We're going to be supportive." Natasha says.

"Should we call Phil?" Clint ask curious, not sure that would be a good idea or a very bad one, but wanting to suggest it anyway.

"No." Natasha says, "I really don't think that would be a good idea." She says as from what she knows she knows that Phil is part of the reason why Melinda is doing what she is doing.

"What if Mel just pushes us away?" Clint asks as he knows that's a big chance.

"We don't let her."

* * *

While she throws knifes Melinda is completely focused on not just what she is doing but everything around her and as such she knows when Fury stops watching her and she knows when, about ten minutes later, Natasha and Clint walk up to her.

"Did you two need something?" Melinda asks as she throws the knife she is holding towards the target.

"Yeah, we do Mel." Clint says and Melinda turns around and looks at her friends, as she does Melinda realises that they know.

"He told you." Melinda says, as because she knows them so well Melinda knows that not only do Natasha and Clint know about what she's doing, but they know about what she used to do and the only person who knew that was Fury.

"Yeah." Natasha confirms, "How can we help?" she asks.

"I don't know. I don't even know if I can be helped." Melinda admits.

"I don't believe that. You can get through this, Mel." Clint says, "But you can't do it alone. You need help and we're right here offering."

"I just….. I wanted to decide how I hurt for once." Melinda admits, tears coming to her eyes, without a word Natasha walks over and puts her arm around Melinda, hugging her.

"Do you want to get out of here for a while? Go away for a few days?" Natasha asks as she hugs Melinda, feeling like it could help Melinda to get away for a while.

"I'd like that." Melinda responds after a minutes paused.

"Well, how about we go to the farm." Clint suggests as the farm that he took the other Avengers to after Wanda messed with them is a house that is owed by the three of them, Fury, and Coulson, or technically aliases of theirs that only the five of them Sharon and Maria know about.

"I'd like that." Melinda answers as she and Natasha break apart.

"I'll just have to talk to Steve, but then we can go." Natasha says and both Clint and Melinda nod.

* * *

After coming to the decision to go away for a few days Clint and Melinda head back to Natasha's rooms to get the stuff they are going to need for a few days while Natasha heads back to the shared living area to talk to Steve.

"Hey, what did Fury want?" Sharon asks when she sees Natasha walk into the room.

"Long story, can we talk?" Natasha ask Steve.

"Sure." Steve says and he gets up and follows Natasha to somewhere private where they can talk.

* * *

In Melinda's room Clint is sitting on the bed while Melinda puts the few things that she has taken out back in her bag as she does Melinda sees the first aid kit and blade which she can't help but stare at.

"Mel?" Clint asks concerned after a few minutes, "You okay?"

"No." Melinda says, deciding to stop lying now that Clint and Natasha know the truth, "Can you hold on to this for me?" she asks Clint grabbing out the blade and first aid kit and handing it to him, it taking so much of her strength to do so.

"Sure." Clint says as he accepts the objects, "I can hold onto anything else if you need me to." Clint tells Melinda, trying to say as gently as possible that he can hold onto her gun if Melinda needs him to as even though he doesn't want to think he about it he knows that it may not be a good idea for May to have a gun right now.

Because she knows Clint better than most Melinda knows what he is really asking and honestly she isn't sure how she feels about that. Melinda knows that she doesn't want to kill herself, that's not why she's hurting herself, but that doesn't mean that she won't get to that point, "Under my pillow." Melinda tells Clint, knowing that she trusts him more than she does herself right now. Clint's eyes widen at that as he honestly wasn't expecting Melinda to actually hand her gun over.

"I'll keep it safe, Mel." Clint says he grabs Melinda's gun, feeling incredibly odd to do so as while Melinda always maintained her 'if I need a gun I'll take it' manta she also made it clear that no one will take her gun.

* * *

"What's going on?" Steve asks Natasha once they are in a private room away from everyone else.

"Mel, Clint, and I are going away for a few days." Natasha informs the Captain.

"Why?"

"I can't…." Natasha begins to say but Steve cuts her off.

"No, don't start. I get that you're spies, but you're also my team, and if three members of my team are going to disappear on me then I deserve to know why." Steve informs Natasha.

"We're all your team, huh?" Natasha asks with a grin.

"Yeah, you are. Now what's going on?" Steve asks, it being clear that he is concerned.

Even though it goes against everything she's always done Natasha realises that Steve is right so she takes a deep breath, "Mel's been hurting herself." She tells Steve.

As soon as she says the words it is clear that Steve is shocked by that, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I wish I wasn't." Natasha says.

"What can I do?" Steve asks wanting to do something to help.

"Give us a few days." Natasha requests, "Clint and I are going to take her away for a few days, get her away from everything and do what we can to help."

"Don't come back until Melinda's okay." Steve says, "Take as long as you need."

"Thanks, Rogers." Natasha says, being thankful for that.

"You don't have to thank me, if you need anything just call. Me and everyone here will be willing to help." Steve assures Natasha who nods and leaves.

* * *

After talking to Steve Natasha heads back to her rooms, but she doesn't get too far before running into Maria and Sharon.

"What's going on?" Maria asks when she sees Natasha.

"Clint, Mel, and I are going away for a few days." Natasha answers.

"Mel's not okay, is she?" Sharon asks, it being clear that she is worried about her former SO.

Natasha is about to lie and say that everything is okay but then she sees the looks on Sharon and Maria's faces, "No, she's not." Natasha answers, "Which is why we're going away for a few days. Clint and I are going to help."

"And if you can't?" Maria asks.

"We're not going to give up." Natasha says, "We'll help Mel get through this." She says, there being determination in her voice.

"Let us come." Sharon says after she and Maria exchange a look, "We want to help to."

"If all four off us push then we might push Mel too far." Natasha says as she knows Melinda and knows that if too many try, even for the right reasons then they'll push Melinda too far, "Give Clint and I few days." She says, "Please." Natasha requests.

"Okay, we'll give you a few days, but call if you need anything." Maria says stressing the anything, "No matter the time."

"I'll remember that." Natasha says, "Don't call Phil." Natasha says then realises something, "Or Andrew." She adds.

"I won't." Maria promises and Natasha turns to Sharon.

"I won't either." Sharon promises.

"Thank you." Natasha says before heading back to her rooms.

* * *

When Natasha walks into her room she finds Clint and Melinda sitting on the couch, in silence, three bags sitting on the table, one of which is the bag that Natasha herself always keeps packed in case she has to leave in a hurry.

"Steve said to take as long as we need away." Natasha informs Melinda and Clint.

"Does he know?" Melinda asks, their being a venerability to her voice that Natasha and Clint have rarely heard.

"Yes, I had to tell him." Natasha says as she walks over, "But no one else does." She says and Melinda nods.

"So, want to get out of here?" Clint asks and both Natasha and Melinda nod.

"I'm driving." Natasha informs the others.

"We're dead." Clint jokes, Natasha rolls her eyes and Melinda manages an amused half smile at that.

"Well you could always walk." Natasha informs Clint.

"Nah, I'm good."

"Then don't complain about my driving." Natasha tells her partner as the three of them pick up their bags and head out of the room.

* * *

Ever since they left the Avengers Facility Melinda is silent, something which isn't odd, but hours later, when they arrive at the farm after stopping at a supermarket, Natasha and Clint have become concerned with the silence.

"How does barbecue sound?" Clint asks.

"You say that like you can cook anything else." Natasha comments.

"I don't hear you offering to cook." Clint argues.

"The last time Nat cooked you got sick and accused her of poisoning you." Melinda reminds Clint, not even suggesting herself as all three of them know that that never ends well.

"I still say you did." Clint informs Natasha, who just rolls his eyes as the three of us grab everything out of the back of the car and head inside.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Clint is cooking the barbecue while Melinda and Natasha are sitting on the rail of the porch watching, both drinking beer.

"I forgot how quiet this place is." Natasha says, trying to get Melinda to talk in an attempt to get her to talk about what is going on with her.

"Since when do you beat around the bush?" Melinda asks as she takes a sip.

"Since, I don't know what to say." Natasha admits, as she has never had to do something like this, and she doesn't want to say or do something that will hurt Melinda more, "But I am here for you Mel, whatever you need."

"I don't know why I started again." Melinda admits, seeing that Natasha is trying so she should too, "I just did. But once I did it…. It felt good to be in control." She says, "It hurt, but I was deciding how much I hurt, not Hydra, or Phil, or Skye or anyone else, but me; I felt relief and that's why I kept doing it." She tells Natasha as she considers Skye and Coulson to be her family which is why what they did and said caused her so much pain.

"How many times?" Natasha asks, being seriously tempted to drive to The Playground and tell Phil and Skye that they took May for granted, and tell them that they should have treated her better. Basically she just wants to yell at them, she wants to yell at someone.

"Individual cuts, I don't know, but I've done it ten times in the last two weeks." Melinda explains and Natasha has to fight to control her reaction at that.

"Do you want to die Mel?" Natasha asks, needing to know.

"No." Melinda reveals before taking another drink, "But I honestly don't know what I have to live for." Melinda reveals then she purposely looks away from Natasha, "S.H.I.E.L.D'S gone, who I was since I was eighteen is gone, and I was clearly wrong about both Skye and Phil, and what we were to each other. What else do I have left?" Melinda asks as she loves Skye like a daughter and Phil will always be her best friend but she's not sure if they feel the same anymore.

"Me." Natasha says, "And Clint, Sharon, Maria, even Nick." Natasha reveals, "You have us." Natasha says as she reaches over and takes Melinda's hands, "And you're an Avenger." She says, remember what Steve said, "You're not alone Mel, you're not nothing and if I have to remind you of that every minute of every day then I will, but you can't give up, you've got to keep fighting." Natasha says, making a promise to herself, and Melinda that no matter what she will help her friend get though what she is going though.

"I'll try." Melinda says, knowing that it is the best she can do.

* * *

For the next fifteen minutes Melinda and Natasha sit together in silence while they drink their beer.

"Hey! You two, dinners ready." Clint calls and both Melinda and Natasha jump down from the porch and walk over to Clint.

"I made my famous burgers." Clint tells Natasha and Melinda once they are close enough.

"You mean the ones you soak in enough beer to cause us to get drunk, before cooking." Melinda realises.

"Yep." Clint says as he hands over the plates.

"Thanks Clint." Natasha says and all three of them walk over to steps.

"When was the last time we were here all together?" Clint asks curious as Natasha sits down on the top step with her back against the handrail, Melinda sits on the second in the same position and Clint sits in the exact same way on the third.

"After New York." Natasha answers.

"Not counting that." Clint says, remembering what was going on with them back then.

"When you two kidnapped me after Andrew and I got eloped." Melinda answers.

"Oh yeah, that was a fun weekend." Clint says with a smirk.

"It really was." Natasha confirms and the three of them drift into silence. For the next few minutes Melinda goes to open her mouth to say something, but every time she stops herself just takes another bite of her food or takes another drink. Out of the corner of her eye Natasha notices what Melinda is doing but decides not to push her friend and she decides to wait until Melinda opens up.

"Ca….." Melinda tries to stay, but then she forces herself to stop.

"What's up Mel?" Clint asks, "You can tell us, whatever it is." Clint says and Natasha nods in agreement.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" Melinda forces herself to say, "Both of you?" she asks as she knows what she is feeling, she knows that if she is alone then it's more than likely that she will hurt herself tonight, but maybe if Natasha and Clint are with her then she won't be able to and if she can get past that feeling once then maybe she can stop.

"Sure."

"Of course."

"Thank you." Melinda says and the three of them drift into silence, and together the three friends watch the sun set while they eat Clint's burgers.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

**AN1: TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM**

**AN2** : Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

It has been two days since Melinda, Clint and Natasha got to their farm and for every minute that they have been there Melinda has been resisting the urge to hurt herself again.

It's about four thirty am and Melinda is wide awake, she is lying between Natasha and Clint, the three of them sharing a bed even though there are four bedrooms so that Melinda isn't alone, and she replaying everything that has caused her pain in the last year and a half. After a few minutes Melinda realises that she can't lie in bed anymore so, being as careful as possible not to wake Natasha or Clint, Melinda gets up and heads downstairs.

* * *

Once she is downstairs Melinda goes for a run around the property, where once again she finds herself overwhelmed with memories and so she runs back to the house. Once she is back at the house Melinda puts the kettle on so that she can make a cup of tea. While she is waiting for the water to boil Melinda's eyes drift to the knife block and before she can stop herself Melinda walks over and grabs one, putting it into her pocket.

Once the water is boiled Melinda makes her tea and walks out to the porch where she sits on the rail. For the next few minutes Melinda sits in silence while she drinks her tea, watching all the animals and other wildlife.

Once she finishes her tea Melinda puts the cup on the rail next to her and pull the knife out of her pocket. As she flips the knife over in her hand Melinda knows that she should just throw it away but she can't do that, but she can't drag the blade across her skin again either. So she just sits flipping the knife over and over.

"Mel." A voice says after ten minutes of Melinda flipping it in her hand, and she turns to see Natasha and Clint stand next to each other, both with looks of worry on their faces.

"Why don't you give me the knife?" Natasha suggests, taking a step forward and sticking out her hand. Melinda knows that, without a doubt, Natasha could get the knife off her in seconds but her body language makes it clear that she isn't going to, something which means a lot to Melinda.

"It's okay Mel, just let it go." Clint says, also taking a step forward, it being clear that he isn't going to try and get the knife by force either.

At her friends words Melinda looks between them and the knife in her hand and drawing on her strength Melinda flips the knife over so that the blade is facing towards her and she sticks her hand out and so Natasha can take the knife. As she does that Clint rushes over and puts his arms around Melinda, hugging her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Melinda says as Clint hugs her.

"It's okay Mel, its okay." Clint assures her, holding onto her tightly, never wanting to let go as she doesn't want to lose her, while Natasha takes the knife back to the kitchen.

When Natasha returns a few minutes later Clint is still holding Melinda and so Natasha walks over and sits next to them.

"Mel." Natasha says and Melinda pulls away from Clint, "Why don't you tell us what happened, tell us why you grabbed the knife." Natasha suggests as Clint sits down on Melinda's other side.

"It's okay. You can tell us anything, we won't judge, we never have, never would." Clint says, trying to be as supportive as possible. He was so worried that he would say the wrong thing that he spent hours the day before googling how to help someone who self-harms, to make sure that he didn't say or do something to make things worse.

"I was thinking about things that happened." Melinda says.

"What things?" Natasha asks, trying to prod Melinda as gentle as possible.

"Phil dragging me from the cage to try and call Fury when Hydra was attacking."

"Why were you in the cage?" Clint asks confused.

"Phil thought I was working for the Clairvoyant, he thought that I was spying on him." Melinda explains, "He was only half right. I was spying on him, but for Fury, not the Clairvoyant aka John Garrett."

"That was for his own good." Natasha says, "And it's Fury's fault."

"Still doesn't change the look on Phil's face when he told me I wasn't a friend." Melinda tells Natasha.

"I know." Natasha says, wanting very much to kick Phil's ass.

"What else were you thinking about?" Clint asks.

"S.H.I.E.L.D, what it is, who I was, and how I don't know the answer to who I am anymore." Melinda admits.

"Who you are isn't just a S.H.I.E.L.D agent." Natasha says, "After S.H.I.E.L.D fell we all wondered who we were, but I realised that I'm more, and so are you."

"Whether or not you're a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, you're the person who does the right thing, even if it's the hard thing, even if it costs you everything." Clint says, "You're more than a job, Mel."

"For so long it was so much more than a job." Melinda admits.

"I know." Both Clint and Natasha say.

"But that's all it is." Clint tells her, "What else did you think about?"

"Phil lying, Skye throwing the worst thing I've ever done in my face." Melinda explains, "It's not one thing that's been getting to me, it's everything together." She tells them.

"After everything that has happened, everything you've seen getting overwhelmed is normal." Natasha says as she has done some of her own research, "It's actually surprising that it hadn't happened sooner."

"I had other things to focus on; helping Phil, helping to rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D, Gonzales, training Skye, but…"

"Now you don't." Clint realises, "And all of those things have a flip side, which is what you're facing now." he says and Melinda nods, "You know, we've known each other a long time, probably longer than either of want to admit, and in all the years I've known you I've known one thing for sure and that's that you always put others before yourself. You so care so much Mel, about everyone else, maybe it's time to put yourself first, to care about yourself."

"I don't think I know how." Melinda admits as putting others first is just what she's always done.

"Well it's a good thing we're going to help." Natasha says, "Lean on us Mel, whenever you need to." She says and Melinda gives a shaky nod.

"I was reading info on self-harm yesterday and I found that apparently distraction helps." Clint informs Melinda.

"You did research?' Melinda asks, semi surprised by that.

"Yeah."

"I tried that, I tried running, but I still thought about everything." Melinda says and at that Natasha tries to think of a distraction that could help in another way.

"Well, I also read that if you get the urge to self-harm then putting an ice cube on the area you want to cut can help." Clint suggests.

"I'll try that next time." Melinda says, "Thanks Clint." She tells him, being grateful for the help he is offering.

"You're welcome Mel."

"That's it." Natasha says with a grin.

"What's it?" Both Clint and Melinda ask confused.

"The perfect distraction." Natasha says, climbing back over the rail, "Come on." She tells them and both Clint and Melinda exchange confused looks but follow Natasha anyway.

"Where are we going, Nat?" Clint asks curious about a minute later.

"You'll see." Natasha says with a smirk, as smirk which causes both Melinda and Clint to worry as they both know what it means.

About a minute later Natasha, Clint and Melinda arrive at the barn and Natasha heads straight in and starts to search for something.

"Do you want to share with us what you're looking for?" Melinda asks.

"No….. Got it." Natasha says pulling out three objects.

"Are they paintball guns?" Clint asks surprised, "Why do we have paintball guns?" he asks confused.

"You brought them." Melinda and Natasha both say.

"Really?" Clint asks surprised, "When?" he asks as he has no memory of that.

"One day when Sharon, the only sober one of us, drove us into the city, you disappeared and showed back up with six paintball guns and about a thousand pellets. By the time we got back here none of us had the energy to use them so I hid them here." Natasha explains, "So, I don't know about you two but it this seems like it could be a good distraction to me."

"It sounds painful to me." Clint says.

"There is protection." Melinda tells Clint, remembering that, "And it sounds like a good distraction to me." She says as if she has to focus on trying to find and hit Clint and Natasha then she won't be able to focus on the memories that have been plaguing her the last few days.

"And I'm in, so that leaves you." Natasha tells Clint.

"Of course I'm in, there was never a question." Clint says.

"Okay." Natasha says handing Clint and Melinda each a paintball gun, "Here." She says handing Clint the container of purple paintballs and Melinda the black ones, while keeping the red ones for herself, "Let's play ball." She tells them.

* * *

While Melinda, Clint and Natasha are starting to play paintball everyone at the Avengers Facility are just getting started for the day.

Due to the fact that Maria and Sharon want to talk to Steve they are waiting just outside the main doors for Sam, Steve and Pietro to get back from their run. While they are waiting Pietro runs past several times before Steve comes into view.

"Is something wrong?" Steve asks when he sees the two of them.

"That depends, have you heard from, Nat?" Sharon asks.

"No." Steve answers and Maria and Sharon exchange worried looks, "But, there is no reason to worry."

"Mel's family to us, we know her. She was both of our SO's, she's basically a parent to me, so for Clint and Nat to actually take her for a few days I know things must be bad, and we're worried." Maria tells Steve.

"And the fact that we haven't heard from anyone makes things even more worrying." Sharon adds.

As Steve looks between Maria and Sharon he realises just how worried they are and he wishes that heh could help them, but he knows that if he told them what he knows, which wouldn't be his place, he would just make them worry more.

"I don't know anything, but If I hear anything I'll let you know." Steve says.

"Thanks Captain." Both Maria and Sharon respond.

* * *

Hours after they started playing Natasha, Clint, Melinda, and at least half the trees on the property are covered in paint. Because they are all competitive Natasha, Melinda and Clint are all internally keeping count and doing their best to win. Having realised that he is behind Clint has climbed to the top of one of the tallest trees and is searching for Natasha and Melinda so that he can get some more points back, but because he is so focused on the ground he doesn't notice that both Natasha and Melinda are in other trees, not until it's too late. When he gets hit Clint has to quickly grab onto the tree so that he doesn't fall.

"Okay, you two are clearly winning. Lunch?" Clint calls over to Natasha and Melinda.

"Sure." Natasha and Melinda say as they both fire one more shot and to avoid getting hit by the others paintball they have to be creative.

Once Natasha and Melinda avoid getting they both climb down onto the ground where Clint is already waiting.

"So, how about we go into town and have food other than burgers." Clint suggests.

"Sounds good to me, but it's your choice." Natasha tells Melinda.

"Sure." Melinda says and the three of them start to walk back towards the house.

"Did it help?" Natasha asks as they walk.

"Yeah, it really did." Melinda confirms.

"I'm glad." Clint says, feeling glad about that and the three of them walk towards the building in silence.

* * *

Many hours later Clint, Melinda and Natasha are lying together on the roof of the house watching the stars. Melinda is lying in the middle with Clint and Natasha on either side.

"You know most people would consider this pretty stupid." Clint informs Natasha and Melinda.

"Most people would consider ninety five percent of what we do stupid." Natasha reminds him.

"With good reason." Melinda adds, "But this isn't stupid, this is just a way for us to see the stars that we never get to see." Melinda says.

"True." Clint admits, "That's why you became a pilot isn't it?" Clint asks, "The view."

"The freedom." Melinda corrects, "I was fifteen when I learnt to fly. I wanted to spend some time away from Mom and flying was the way I could think to do that." She admits, "The solitude didn't hurt." Melinda admits.

"Huh, that makes so much sense." Clint realises, as he picks up a beer and tries to take a drink but he ends up pouring it over himself.

"Wow Clint, good job." Natasha says amused.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Clint says, "Be right back." Clint says before sliding down the roof.

"CLINT." Both Natasha and Melinda yell, as they quickly stand up, as he lands perfectly on the ground.

"Really? Oh ye of little faith, both of you." Clint tells his two friends.

"Can you blame us? You don't have the best record when it comes to landings." Melinda reminds him, remembering all the times Clint has hurt himself doing a bad landing.

"Fair enough." Clint realises with a shrug, "Do you need more beer?" he asks curious.

"Please." Melinda and Natasha call down and Clint heads back inside while Natasha and Melinda sit back down.

"How you doing?" Natasha asks Melinda curious.

"Okay." Melinda says after a minutes pause.

"Really?" Natasha asks giving Melinda a look.

"Really." Melinda confirms and Natasha looks glad about that.

"You were right about the view, it is pretty amazing." Natasha tells Melinda and they both drift into silence.

* * *

The next morning, when May once more wakes between Natasha and Clint, she is once more overwhelmed by memories while she lays so, just like the day before she gets up and heads downstairs, not realising that both Clint and Natasha have woken up.

When she gets downstairs Melinda makes herself tea and while she is waiting for the kettle to boil her eyes are once more drawn to the knife block, but instead of walking towards that she remembers Clint's words and walks to the freezer where she grabs out ice cubes. Once she has the ice cubes Melinda jumps up on the counter and puts the ice cube against the scars on the back of her ankle.

Melinda has been sitting for about a minute when she realises something, "You two can come out." Melinda says and Natasha and Clint walk out.

"We weren't spying." Clint says as they do.

"Yes you were, but that's okay." Melinda says and Clint and Natasha walk over and they both sit on other counters.

"Is that helping?" Natasha asks curious as she watches what Melinda is doing.

"Surprisingly, yes." Melinda tells her as she wasn't expecting it to, but as Clint did research to find a way to help her she wanted to try it.

"That's great." Clint says with a grin.

"Yeah, guess it is." Melinda says and the three of them drift into silence.

"So, I was thinking about what we could do today and then I remembered the dirt bikes in the shed." Natasha says, "Racing them could be a good distraction, what do you think?" Natasha asks Melinda and Clint.

"I think we could all end up bruised and bloody." Clint comments.

"But you also think that it's a great idea." Melinda says, knowing her friend.

"So do you."

"True."

"So, I guess it's three votes for dirt bikes." Natasha comments.

"Yep." Both Clint and Melinda respond.

* * *

It has been two days since Clint, Melinda and Natasha spent hours riding dirt bikes together and in that time Melinda hasn't once cut herself again. After spending the day with Clint and Natasha doing different obstacle courses Melinda is just finishing having a shower. As she gets changed Melinda's eyes linger on her scars, while they do Melinda reaches out and runs her fingers over them, an action that a few days ago would have led to her once more creating more, but instead Melinda puts her leg down and continues to get ready.

* * *

About ten minutes later Melinda walks into the living area where she finds Clint sitting on the ground and Natasha putting pizza boxes on the coffee table.

"Wow that was fast. Even for you." Melinda says as she walks over and sits next to Clint.

"I bet my record." Natasha says with a proud smile.

"Good job." Melinda says as Natasha sits down too.

For the next few minutes Melinda, Clint and Natasha eat in silence, all three of them very much enjoying the food that Natasha broke more than a few traffic laws to get.

"So, I was thinking…." Melinda starts to say.

"That's a first." Clint says and Melinda and Natasha both hit him over the back of the head, "Oh come on! You walked right into that." He objects.

"Still, you didn't have to say it." Melinda informs Clint.

"You would have." Clint responds, "And you know it." He says and as much as Melinda would like to argue with him she knows he's right, "Huh!" Clint says when he notices the look.

"As I was saying." Melinda says ignoring Clint's comment, "I was thinking that tomorrow we could head back to The Facility."

"If you want, but are you sure that it's something you're ready for?" Natasha asks, watching Melinda carefully so that she can know if she is lying.

"Yeah, I am." Melinda says before taking a deep breath, deciding to share because of how much Natasha and Clint have been helping her, "When I was changing after having a shower, I ran my fingers over my scars, a few days ago If I had done that I would have cut again, but I didn't." Melinda reveals.

"Mel, that's great." Natasha says, realising how big that is.

"Nat's right, it really is." Clint adds with a supportive smile.

"Thanks." Melinda says, being grateful for their support, "Anyway I figure that it's about time we head back." She says and Natasha and Clint exchange looks.

"Sure, we'll leave tomorrow."

* * *

After finishing their dinner Natasha, Clint, and Melinda spend several hours drinking and just relaxing, before they headed to bed.

It is six am and all three of them are awake and packing their bags to head back.

"Mel." Clint says from the door to the bathroom where Melinda is packing her toiletries.

"Yeah?" Melinda says and Clint awkwardly walks over.

"I still have your gun, and blade." Clint tells Melinda.

"I know." Melinda says, realising why he's asking, "Keep the blade, but I'll take my gun back." Melinda says as she once more trusts herself with her gun, but she still doesn't trust herself with her blade.

"Are you sure?" Clint asks.

"Yeah. Gun yes, blade no." Melinda says and Clint nods.

"Okay." Clint says, walking the last few steps that separate them, "Here." Clint says as he hands Melinda's gun back.

For a few seconds Melinda just stares at her gun before she once more clips the holster on her belt.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I think I am." Melinda confirms.

* * *

About ten minutes later Melinda, Clint and Natasha are all downstairs having just put the last items into the car.

"If it gets too much again just stay the word, and we can come back." Natasha tells Melinda, "No matter what is going on, we can leave if you need to." Natasha tells her friend.

"Thank you, both of you." Melinda says looking between Clint and Natasha.

"You don't have to thank us." Clint tells Melinda, "And everything we've said the last few days still applies." He informs Melinda.

"I'll remember that." Melinda assures them, "And I'm driving." Melinda says as she takes the keys out of Natasha's hand.

"Shotgun." Natasha says as Melinda heads to the driver's seat, leaving Clint to sit in the back seat.

"Then I pick the music." Clint says.

"No." Both Natasha and Melinda say as they get into the car.

"Had to try." Clint mutters to himself as he too gets in the car, closing the door behind him.

A few minutes later Natasha, Clint and Melinda, are on their way back to The Avengers Facility all three of them wondering whether Melinda will continue to be okay once she is back in the real world, or at least their version of the real world.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

**AN1: TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM**

**AN2** : Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

It has been three days since Melinda, Clint and Natasha retuned to the Avengers Facility, just over a month since Melinda arrived for the first time and in that time, even though she has been tempted, Melinda hasn't hurt herself again.

It is after midnight and Melinda is on her way to the gym so that she can have an overdue conversation with Steve Rogers. Once she arrives at the gym Melinda spends a couple of minutes watching Steve before she draws on courage and walks over to him.

"Captain." Melinda says and Steve turns around.

"Melinda." Steve says when he sees her, "How are you?"

"Better than I was." Melinda answers.

"Good. I'm glad." Steve says meaning that completely.

"Thank you. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." Melinda explains, "I know that you know what I've done and that you must have concerns…." Melinda begins to say.

"Only about your wellbeing." Steve says, "I want to make sure you're okay."

"I am." Melinda tells him, "But I'm still fighting, and it's a struggle. But that being said it's easier when I have something to distract me, something that works." Melinda says, "I want to go on mission again." Melinda says as she has been sitting out the last three days and doesn't want to anymore.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" Steve asks, being careful not to say yes or no.

"Yes, when I was gone Nat, Clint, and I talked. We talked about how we're more than just S.H.I.E.L.D agents, which is true, but it doesn't change the fact that it's been the only thing I've known since I was eighteen. I need to get back into the fight, get back to helping and protecting people, it helps me, so yes, I am ready." Melinda assures Steve, saying as much as she is because she wants Steve to understand.

"We've got intel for a mission tomorrow." Steve says, not sure if it's the best idea but he understands what Melinda is feeling as he felt the same thing, "You can join, but if it gets too much just tell me. You don't have to go through it if it's too soon." Steve says taking a step towards Melinda, "I would rather be without you for a couple of mission than lose you forever, so don't push yourself Melinda, tell me if it's too much." Steve says as he wants Melinda to continue to do missions for him, but only if she is ready.

"I will, I promise." Melinda says, "But I'm a solider and now that I know my triggers getting back to being that is the best thing for me."

"Okay." Steve says with a nod, "Mission briefing at 1100 hours tomorrow." Steve says and Melinda nods, "Would you like to spar?"

"Sure."

* * *

At midday the next day Steve, Melinda, Clint, Natasha, Sharon, Rhodey, Sam, Wanda and Pietro are on the Quinjet on their way to the mission location; Vision being missing because he is doing something with Tony.

"We're fifteen minutes out." Melinda says as she walks from the cockpit back to the main area.

"Okay." Steve says as he pulls the specs of the design up, "Hill is going to monitor the entire thing while we go in." He tells the others, "Falcon, War Machine you're on areal support, tell us is anything changes." He instructs and they both nod, "Quicksilver you're on perimeter, make sure nothing gets out." Steve says and he nods, "Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye you're entering through the front and drawing the attack onto you. I'll enter through the back, Black Widow you've got the roof entry, Agent 13 you've got the left entrance, and May….. You need a name." Steve realises, it seeming odd to call everyone except for May by a code name.

"I have one name I hate, I don't need another." Melinda comments.

"Actually you really do." Clint says and Melinda gives him a look, "I'm serious, you need a name Mel."

"He's right, you do." Sam comments.

"Want to help me come up with one?" Clint asks Sam, who nods enthusiastically.

"Let's get back on the mission." Melinda requests, giving Steve a look which says 'Please.'

"Okay, as I was saying." Steve says, "May you've got the right." Steve says and Melinda nods, "We incapacitate the personnel and secure the material. Tony has given us special equipment to transport the material, be sure to use it." Steve instructs and everyone nods, "Gear up."

* * *

Hours later the group have successfully completely the mission and are back at the Facility celebrating with Maria.

"Looks like I got here just in time." Tony says when he walks in the room and sees everyone sitting around with beer and pizza.

"How do you always seem to get here just as we're drinking?" Clint asks as Tony sits down next to Steve.

"It's a gift." Tony says as steals Steve's beer, "So, did the mission go well?" he asks

"Yeah, it did." Steve says, giving Tony an annoyed look.

"Good."

"How about Beta, after the strike team you, Fury and Phil were?" Clint asks Melinda.

"No." Melinda tells him as she takes a drink.

"Well, what about Ace." Sam suggests, "You're an ace pilot after all." Sam tells Melinda as for the last ten minutes Clint and Sam have been trying to come up with a name for Melinda but she has shot down ever idea they have suggested.

"No." Melinda once more repeats.

"What are you two doing?" Tony asks confused.

"They're trying to come up with an Avengers Name for Mel." Natasha informs Tony, "Which I think is a good idea." She informs the others.

"And as I said I have already have a name that I hate, I don't need another one." Melinda informs everyone.

"You do?" Tony asks and Natasha and Clint exchange worried looks as they know how Melinda reacts when questioned about what happened in Bahrain.

"Yeah." Melinda says, "It's name I got on the mission that caused me to leave field work." Melinda says, "I don't like being called it." Melinda says, it being clear that she doesn't want to say anymore.

"Okay." Tony says, realising that pushing isn't the right thing to do but at the same time he also realises something, "Wait, did Clint say that you were on a strike team with Fury and Coulson?"

"He did." Melinda confirms, "And we were. Thirty years ago." Melinda says.

"There wasn't much about that in your file." Steve comments as Melinda's final said that she worked with Fury and Coulson but there wasn't much in it about what they did.

"It was the eighties, not much was recoded." Melinda admits as it was during the cold war and everyone in S.H.I.E.L.D were careful about what they recorded.

"Do you have any good stories?" Tony asks, wanting to know.

"Yeah." Melinda says.

"Which she never shares." Maria comments, it being clear that she isn't too happy about that.

"Really?" Sam ask surprised, and a little disappointed.

"Yeah, I've been trying for ten years, and Nat, Clint and Maria have trying for longer." Sharon explains, "Mel doesn't share."

"That's because you want to hear stories on Nick and any story I could tell about him, he has another about me that he could tell." Melinda comments as she has stories about Fury that everyone in the room would love to hear, but Fury has stories that are just as bad on her.

"So basically you're saying if we want blackmail material on Fury we should come to you." Tony realises.

"I'm not saying that." Melinda says, smirking before taking another drink.

"Oh yes you are." Clint realises, "Come on Mel, just one little story." He requests.

"It can't hurt." Wanda informs Melinda.

"Okay. Let me think of the right one." Melinda says as if she is going to share a story about Fury then it has to be the right one, "A year after I met Fury when Phil Coulson and I were only nineteen we were tailing a suspect." Melinda reveals, "The suspect went into a bar, but we still needed to tail them."

"So you and Coulson went in even though you were underage." Natasha realises.

"Yep, we got busted. So when Nick came and bailed us out, because we couldn't escape without drawing attention to ourselves, Nick pretended to by our adoptive father." Melinda says, "When the desk Sargent realised that she proceeded to hit on him for the next half an hour, so not only did Nick have to try refuse her advancements, but he had to pretend to be a dad to Phil and I who were taking a lot of amusement from that."

"Sounds like it would be." Rhodey comments.

"It really was but the most amusing part was about two hours later." Melinda reveals, "We found the suspects location and Phil and Nick went inside while I stayed outside." Melinda explains and she smirks, "It turned out the guy had a bit of a drug habit and so when Nick and Phil went in they inhaled the marijuana fumes." Melinda explains.

"What are Phil and Nick like high?" Clint asks.

"Very, very amusing." Melinda answers, being vague but being able to remember perfectly how amusing they were.

"Come on, you've got to give us more than that." Tony requests.

"May." A voice says and Nick Fury says as he steps into the door way, he had been listening to everything being said for the last few minutes, "Let's talk." Fury suggests and Melinda nods, and they both head out of the room.

"Think that will go well?" Rhodey asks once Melinda has left.

"I doubt it." Natasha answers.

"It will, it's overdue." Wanda informs them.

* * *

After leaving the others Melinda and Nick head to one of the rooms so that they can talk privately.

"Sharing stories Agent May?" Nick asks once the door closes.

"I'm not an Agent anymore, Nick." Melinda reminds Fury.

"You'll always be an Agent, Melinda, you'll just be other things to." Fury tells her.

"Like you?"

"No, you can be better." Fury informs Melinda, "Phil wasn't the only person I wanted to help when I instructed you to come up with the parameters for a team." Fury informs Melinda.

"What?"

"Sometimes when I look at you and Phil I still see those seventeen year old kids I met all those years ago." Fury informs Melinda.

"Those kids died a long time ago." Melinda tells him.

"No, they didn't, not completely." Fury tells her, "You both still have pieces of those kids inside of you, so when I instructed you to form a team, knowing that Phil will want you to join up, I did so because I thought a team would be good for both of you. I thought it would help both of you." Fury says, "And I'm sorry for the pain it has caused you, I'm sorry for what it has done to you and yours and Phil's friendship."

"Thank you Nick." Melinda says, shocked as she can count on one hand the amount of times that Fury has said the words, I'm sorry, in the thirty years she has known him.

"You're welcome." Fury says and the two of them drift into silence, honestly neither is sure what to say.

"So um, I should get back, before Nat and Clint send out a search party." Melinda says.

"Yeah, you should." Fury responds, "But maybe stop with the story sharing."

"Please Nick, we both know that there are worse stories that I can tell than you and Phil getting high thanks to a suspect." Melinda points out.

"True, but unless you want me to share a trip down memory lane you'll keep those to yourself." Fury instructs Melinda.

"Don't worry Nick, you're secrets are safe with me." Melinda says as she heads to the door.

"They always have been." Fury says and he and Melinda exchange a look before Melinda leaves.

* * *

Two days after Melinda shared one story about her Strike Team Beta days she is in the gym at about midnight punching the bag while she waits for Steve, as she has quiet enjoyed their sparing and training sessions so she has tried to be there every day.

"Melinda." Steve says when he walks into the gym, "You beat me." He notes as normally he gets to the gym before Melinda.

"Yeah, I did." Melinda confirms, "Sparing or bag first?" she asks curious.

"Sparing, but I thought we could talk first." Steve says.

"What about?"

"You choosing a name." Steve explains.

"Why do you want me to choose a name? Why is it so important to you?" Melinda asks, not understanding why Steve is pushing so hard.

"Because you're a member of this team, you're an Avenger, and you should have a name too." Steve explains as he wants Melinda to feel like she is truly a member of the team, because she is, and he thinks a name would help, "And if you don't pick one for yourself then I guarantee that Sam and Clint will, which you don't want."

"I appreciate that Steve, I do but like I said I have a name I hate, I don't need another one." Melinda tells him.

"Do you mind if I ask, what is the name?" Steve asks curious, wondering if Melinda would be okay with him asking.

"The Cavalry." Melinda answers, "And I hate it. Every time I hear it it reminds me of the worse thing I've ever done." Melinda reveals.

"You know when I started out I hated the name Captain America." Steve reveals, trying to say something that will help.

"You did?" Melinda asks surprised by that.

"I was basically a Dancing Monkey in the beginning, and the name Captain America reminded me of that." Steve says, "But then I found out my best friend was missing…."

"I know the story." Melinda says, wanting to save him from reliving something painful, "Peggy Carter told me."

"Do you know Peggy well?" Steve asks curious.

"She taught me almost everything I know." Melinda answers and Steve smiles, being happy to hear about the life Peggy had after the war.

"As I was saying after I got back with Bucky he called me Captain America, and cheered for me. He turned the name I hated into something good." Steve realises, "And I still go by that because of him." Steve explains, "I don't know why you got the name you hate, or what you had to do…."

"I killed a kid." Melinda answers and Steve is shocked by that.

"Mel….." Steve starts to say but Melinda cuts him off.

"It was a little girl, she had powers she could control people by their emotions. She had already killed and she was going to kill everyone else, teams of agents that were sent in to stop her mother, and so I pulled the trigger." Melinda says, looking upset, "I'm not a good person Steve, I'm not a hero, and not the person you want on your team."

"Yes, you are." Steve says, "You made a hard call, one I couldn't have made." Steve says as even with everything he has done he doesn't think he could have pulled the trigger on a kid, "And I defiantly want you on my team." Steve says, as he knows that he needs people like Natasha and Melinda on his team, he needs people who can make the hard call because it's the right one, "I understand why you wouldn't want to go by the name The Cavalry, because it reminds you of that, but maybe that's why you should. Maybe you could make it mean something else, make it represent something good." Steve suggests, "Think about taking the name The Cavalry and make it not be the name that represent that horrible day, but the name of a Hero because that's what you are, Melinda."

"I…..I'll think about it." Melinda says uncertainly and Steve nods.

"So, sparing?" Steve asks an now it's Melinda's turn to nod.

* * *

After sparing with Steve for almost two hours Melinda returns to Natasha's rooms where she sits cross legged on the couch while she watches TV with the volume turned down, making sure it's not too loud as she doesn't want to wake Natasha.

After a few minutes of watching Melinda hears footsteps and she turns to see Natasha.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Melinda asks feeling bad if she did.

"Nah, I was up." Natasha says as she walks over and sits next to Melinda, "Where have you been disappearing to?" She asks curious, "Basically every night since we got back you've been disappearing for a couple of hours."

"I've been going to the gym, sparing with Steve." Melinda explains as she unconsciously starts to urn her fingers over the scars on the back of her ankle.

"That's always fun." Natasha says, then frowns when she notices what Melinda is doing, "Mel? Do you need me to get an ice cube?"

"No. I'm okay." Melinda says, moving her hand away.

"You sure?" Natasha asks concerned.

"Yeah, I think so." Melinda answers, not entirely sure of that.

"Did something happen?" Natasha asks as she reaches over and takes Melinda's hands, being concerned about her friend and feeling like that may help.

"I told Steve what happened in Bahrain." Melinda reveals, Natasha being one of the few who knows about what happened because as soon as she saw her after Bahrain Natasha knew what Melinda had done

"Why?"

"Because he said that I'm a member of his team, that I'm an Avenger and that I should have a name to, so I wanted him to understand why I hated the name I had." Melinda explains.

"What did he say?" Natasha asks curious.

"He said that I made a hard call, one that he couldn't have made." Melinda explains, "He called me a Hero, Nat, said that he definitely wanted me on his team." Melinda says, looking surprised by that, Natasha is tempted to tell Melinda that she is a hero but she knows better as even if she said it she knows Melinda won't believe her, "and he suggested that I take the name The Cavalry and make it represent something good. Make it represent not what I did that day, but make it be the name of a hero." Melinda says looking amazed by that.

"I think you should." Natasha says to Melinda's surprise, "What you did that day is horrible, something that no one should have to do, but Steve's right. You can take the name and make it represent something else, make it represent something better."

"Like you did." Melinda realises.

"Every time I'm called Black Widow, or Widow, or some variation I remember who I was, what I was, what I did, and that's not easy." Natasha admits, "But I also remember the promise I made myself, the promise I made to do better. I use the name Black Widow to do better, to remind me of what I was and what I won't let myself be again, maybe you should think about using The Cavalry to do the same thing." Natasha suggests.

"Maybe." Melinda says and they drift into silence. After a few minutes Natasha gives Melinda's hand a squeeze and a supportive smile.

* * *

Ever since Melinda's conversations with both Steve and Natasha Melinda has been thinking about what they said and what it could mean. Just like she does almost every night Melinda spared with Steve before heading back towards Natasha's rooms. As she walks Melinda is surprised to find someone else walking the halls.

"Pietro?" Melinda asks concerned.

"May." Pietro greats.

"Are you alright?" Melinda asks, being concerned about him.

"I'm fine, just couldn't sleep." Pietro says with a shrug, not wanting to admit that he had nightmares of what happened to his parents.

"Pietro." A voice says and both Melinda and Pietro turn to see Wanda.

"I'm okay." Pietro tells his sister, who frowns, it being clear that she doesn't believe him.

"You know there is an old S.H.I.E.L.D tradition that I think would help you both right now." Melinda tells them, wanting to help them as when she looks at Pietro and Wanda the only thing she sees is two lost little kids in need of help.

"What's that?" Pietro asks.

"Making hot chocolate. There is an old S.H.I.E.L.D recipe that is rumoured to have been created by Howard Stark, a recipe that up to about thirty years ago every S.H.I.E.L.D agent was taught to make." Melinda reveals, "Would you be interested in trying it?" Melinda asks and Wanda and Pietro exchange a look and nod.

"Yes please." Pietro says and Wanda nods.

"Follow me." Melinda says and she heads to the kitchen.

* * *

A few minutes later Melinda, Pietro and Wanda arrive at the kitchen, Melinda getting started on making the hot chocolate, which happens to be the only thing she can cook.

"So does anyone else here know the recipe?" Pietro asks curious.

"Fury. Sharon, Natasha, Maria and Clint have had the recipe but they don't know how to make it." Melinda explains as she starts to make it.

"They would want it if they knew." Wanda says.

"Yes, they would." Melinda confirms.

"I'll go get them." Pietro says before running off.

"It can mean something better." Wanda tells Melinda.

"What?" Melinda ask turning to look at Wanda.

"The Cavalry doesn't have to mean death anymore, it can mean hope." Wanda informs Melinda but before she has a chance to respond Pietro runs back in the room.

"Natasha, Clint, Sharon and Maria are on their way." He informs them.

"You woke them up?" Melinda asks.

"No. they were all still awake." Pietro comments, "Does no one around here sleep?"

"Not really." Natasha says as she walks in the room, "You should get the others." She tells Pietro, "They need to try this."

"Will do." Pietro says before running out of the room while Melinda continues to make the hot chocolate, making sure that she makes enough for everyone.

For the next few minutes Melinda continues to make the hot chocolate while one by one Clint, Maria, Sharon, Steve, Sam, and Rhodey walk in.

"Why were we woken up for hot chocolate?" Sam asks as everyone sits down.

"Because it is the best hot chocolate you have ever tasted." Clint answers with a grin.

"Is it your recipe?" Steve asks Melinda.

"No. It's rumoured to be Howard Stark's recipe, but I've never been sure whether to believe that" Melinda answers as she puts the finishing touches on the drinks, "Once upon a time every S.H.I.E.L.D agent was taught it, but that doesn't happen anymore." Melinda says as she starts to hand the cups out, something which Steve helps her with.

"Okay that's amazing." Rhodey says taking a drink.

"Told you." Clint says as Steve and Melinda sit back down and together all the Avengers sit in silence and drink the hot chocolate that Melinda made.

* * *

Three days after the Avengers sat together drinking hot chocolate in the early hours of the morning they are together in the Quinjet about to deploy on a mission.

"Okay, and finally, Agent 13, May…." Steve starts to say.

"Cavalry." Melinda says surprising everyone as she has spent a few days considering what Steve, Natasha and Wanda told her and she has realised that they are right and she is going to try and make the name she got on one of the worse days of her life mean something better.

"Really?" Clint asks surprised.

"Really." Melinda confirms.

"Okay then Agent 13, Cavalry, you're on hostage rescue." Steve orders, "Let's get ready." Steve says and the group stars to head in different directions so that they can do the last minute things they have to do before starting the mission.

"Mel, are you sure?" Clint asks surprised as he knows the affect that the name has on Melinda.

"Yeah, I am." Melinda says, "I made a promise." She says looking at Natasha.

"Good choice." Natasha says with a supportive smile, "Kick it in the ass… Cavalry." Natasha says and even though she made the decision to go by that Melinda still has to stop herself from saying 'don't call me that.', and she guesses that she'll have to do that for a while.

"I will." Melinda says, "You too." She says to Natasha and Clint.

"Sixty seconds." Steve says and Natasha, Melinda and Clint put on their parachutes and hook their weapons on safely, "AVENGERS MOVE OUT." Steve yells and one by one Steve, Natasha, Clint, Melinda, Sharon, Rhodey, Sam, Pietro, Vision, and Wanda jump or fly out of the back of the Quinjet all hoping for another successful mission while the quintet follows the set flight path Melinda programed in and lands.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

 **AN1:**  TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

* * *

It has been eight weeks since Melinda May left The Playground and, unknown to the residents at the Playground, just over two weeks since May started to try and make the name The Cavalry mean something else, and Phil is sitting in his office doing his best not to think about how much he misses his best friend while he does paperwork.

Ever since Melinda left Phil has been miserable, and it's not just because he misses her but because things were so bad between them when she left. Even though he should be doing paperwork Phil is thinking about the last time he saw Melinda and what they said to one another, he is so focused on the memories of the past that Phil almost doesn't hear his phone start to ring.

"Coulson." Phil says when he does finally answer her phone.

"Hello Phil, its Andrew." Andrew says to Phil's complete shock.

"Andrew, what can I do for you?" Phil asks as honestly Andrew is the last person he expected to be hearing from.

"Nothing, I just thought I would call and see how everyone was doing." Andrew says as he can't help but be concerned about everyone at the Playground.

"Everyone's okay." Phil says, not saying what happened to Simmons as he doesn't want May to find out over the phone, "We're all missing May though."

"Missing Melinda? What do you mean?" Andrew asks concerned.

"Just what it sounds like." Phil says, confused, "When is she coming back, anyway?" Phil asks before he can stop himself.

"Phil I haven't seen Melinda since three days after we left where you are." Andrew informs him.

"What! Are you sure?" Phil asks shocked and confused.

"Yeah, pretty sure. Melinda and I talked, got closure, but then said goodbye, I thought she was heading back to you." Andrew admits, concern in his voice growing out of concern.

"Did she says she was coming back?" Phil asks worried.

"No, I just assumed." Andrew admits.

"Okay, then there is a couple places that I can think of that she could have gone. I'll check them out." Phil says.

"I'll call Lian." Andrew says.

"Not yet." Phil says as the last thing they need to do is worry Lian May before she needs to be, "Give me a few hours. Let me check a few things." Phil requests.

"Six hours, then I'm calling Lian." Andrew says as he knows that will give Coulson enough time to do a comprehensive search with the connections he has.

"Thank you."

"Find her Phil."

"I will." Phil says before hanging up and rushing downstairs.

* * *

"You know that's annoying, right?" Skye asks Hunter as the two of them, Bobbi and Lincoln are sitting in the common area together and Hunter is throwing things up and catching them in his mouth.

"SKYE." Phil yells as he hurries downstairs.

"What's wrong?" Skye asks worried as she, Hunter, and Lincoln hurry up and Bobbi does so slightly slower as her knee isn't completely heled yet.

"May's not with Andrew. He hasn't seen her in weeks, we've got to find her." Phil explains

"What! I told you that I should have called weeks ago." Skye says as she hurries over to her computer, "Do you have a number?"

"No." Phil answers, "She could be anywhere." He says, it being clear that he is worried.

"We'll find her Coulson, don't worry." Skye tells him, trying to convince herself just as much, as Lincoln and Hunter exchange a look.

"Have you tried Hill?" Bobbi asks, "May could have gone to see some old friends." She tells Phil.

"I've talked to Maria and she hasn't said anything." Phil says then realises something, "Because she was asked not to." He says, "I'll be back in a few hours." Phil informs the others, realising where Melinda most likely has gone, as he walks out of the common area.

As Phil leaves Skye exchanges a look with Hunter and Lincoln before hurrying after Phil, the boys following after her and Bobbi hobbling behind them.

* * *

"Where are you going?" Skye as Phil as she chases after him.

"New York, I think I know where May is." Phil tells Skye.

"Okay, I'm coming with you." Skye informs Coulson.

"No. You need to stay here and run the base with Bobbi. I'll be back in a few hours." Phil says then turns to look at Skye, "With May, I hope."

"What if she doesn't want to come back?" Hunter asks curious.

"Then that's her choice. But I am going to tell her everything." Phil says, knowing that once he tells her everything that is going on then chances of May not coming back are very low, "I'll have my phone if you need anything."

"Say hello to everyone for me, Sir." Bobbi requests.

"I will." Phil promises as he leaves.

"So, Coulson's going to New York to get Agent May to come back because she's not with who he thought she was with, is that right?" Lincoln asks.

"Basically." Hunter answers.

* * *

Completely unaware that Phil is on his way Melinda is in the gym with Sharon, Natasha and Maria doing some group training.

"NAT. MEL. SHARON. MARIA." Clint yells as he runs into the room.

"What's going on?" Natasha asks, from Clint's voice she is able to tell that nothing is actually wrong by the tone.

"Living area, now. Tony started a new comp, got Steve to agree and we need you four." Clint informs them.

"What kind of comp?" Maria asks.

"You'll see." Clint says before hurrying off again.

"So, do you think we want to know?" Sharon asks curious.

"Properly not, but it's definitely going to be fun." Melinda comments as she catches the towel that Natasha throws at her.

"With Tony here it's going to be more worrying than anything else." Natasha comments.

"I swear that he's basically been living here lately." Maria comments as they walk towards the door to the gym.

"That's because he's been fighting with Pepper." Natasha informs the others.

"Really?" Melinda asks as she has met Pepper in the time she has been at the Facility and she really likes her.

"Yep. With Tony not doing Avengers stuff to keep him busy, he's been slipping into some less than great habits." Natasha says, knowing for a fact that Tony hasn't cheated or even come close but at the same time what he has been doing is far from good.

"Do you think they'll make it?" Sharon asks curious.

"No idea." Natasha comments and all four of them head towards the living area, planning on seeing just what the others are doing.

* * *

It takes well over four hours, but Phil finally manages to arrive at the Avenger's Facility in one of S.H.I.E.L.D'S SVU when he arrives he is able to head straight inside and once he parks he heads inside. When he does Phil sees Sam Wilson jumping down from the lower level and running towards the desk in the centre of the entry way so Phil walks over to him.

"Um, excuse me." Phil says, wondering what he is doing.

"Yeah, did you need something?" Sam asks, as he picks up the Captain America figurine that Pietro hid on the desk, speaking fast because he wants to try and beat Clint's time.

"Yeah. I'm looking for Melinda May, I think she might be here." Phil says.

"Who are you?" Sam asks as he looks Phil up and down.

"Phil Coulson."

"I see. Wait here." Sam says, "I'll be right back." Sam says before heading back upstairs.

* * *

When Sam walks into the living area he finds Steve, Tony, Melinda, Clint, Natasha, Sharon, Maria, Pietro, Wanda, and Rhodey in the middle of several games of volleyball with balloons, Wanda using her powers whenever any balloon comes anywhere close to her.

"If that was you trying to beat my time then you failed." Clint informs Sam when he sees him walk in.

"Yeah, I know." Sam says, "Phil Coulson is downstairs." He says and everyone turns to look at him surprised, "And he want so see you." He says looking right at Melinda.

"Mel?" Natasha ask after a minute of Melinda not saying anything, "I can go tell him to get lost if you want."

"No. It's okay. I'll talk to him." Melinda says and Natasha and Clint exchange looks, "Is he in the lobby?" she asks and Sam nods. "Okay." Melinda says and she gets up and leaves. About a minute after Melinda leaves Natasha, Clint, Sharon and Maria get up and without a word they follow her.

"Should we go too?" Pietro asks.

"No, trust them. They've got this." Wanda tells her brother and everyone else.

* * *

The entire time Melinda walks downstairs she wonders it is a good idea as she isn't sure what to say to Coulson, not after everything that happened. Because she is so uncertain Melinda pauses at the corner before the stairs, not sure if she is ready to head down.

"You don't have to talk to him, if you don't want to." Clint's voice says and Melinda turns to see Clint, Natasha, Sharon and Maria.

"I want to, I'm just not sure if I can." Melinda admits.

"You can." Natasha tells her, "I know you can, if that's what you want."

"And we'll be right behind you." Sharon informs her.

"I need to talk to Phil alone." Melinda says, "But can you stay up here just in case." Melinda requests.

"I'm guessing you want us to stay out of view." Maria realises.

"If you don't mind."

"Not at all, call if you need anything." Natasha says and Melinda gives a nod before taking a deep breath then heading downstairs.

* * *

"Phil." Melinda says as she walks from the stairs over to where he is.

"May." Phil says happily, looking thrilled to see Melinda.

"What are you doing here Phil?" Melinda asks and the grin on Phil's face fades slightly.

"Andrew called he wanted to check up on everyone and when I realised that you weren't here I was worried." Phil admits, "Bobbi made me think that maybe you would be here."

"Bobbi always was smart." Melinda comments, "How is everyone?" Melinda asks curious.

"Bobbi's healing, Skye is doing really well, Lincoln is finally settled in, and Mack and Hunter are good." Phil explains.

"What about Fitz and Simmons?" Melinda asks noticing the fact that Phil purposely left them out, "Phil?" Melinda asks when Phil avoids looking at her.

"Simmons is missing. She was sucked into the Kree rock and we don't know what happened to her, Fitz isn't dealing with that too well." Phil admits.

"Are there any leads?" Melinda asks, being shocked about Simmons and knowing that Fitz must be in a lot of pain.

"No." Phil answers, "Everyone misses you May, Skye especially." Phil tells her, stopping himself before he says, 'and so do I'

"I miss you all too." Melinda admits, telling the truth, "But I also have a place here." Melinda informs Phil who looks close to heartbroken.

"So you're not going to come back." Phil says, forcing the words out.

"I don't know." Melinda admits, telling the complete truth.

"Wow, I didn't expect that." Phil admits, telling the truth, "I'm sorry Melinda, for everything that happened, for everything I said and did."

"That means a lot to me to hear." Melinda admits and the two of them drift into a silence, "When did Simmons disappear?" Melinda asks after a few minutes.

"The day you left." Phil reveals.

"And you've got nothing?" Melinda asks shocked.

"No, we could use your help May. There is a lot more than just Simmons missing going on, and we need you May, but only if you want to come back." Phil informs Melinda, hoping that he can get her to come back.

At Phil's words Melinda isn't sure what to do, but she does know that even with everything that has happened she still considers Fitz, Simmons and Skye to be her responsibility, "I'll come back." Melinda says and Phil can feel himself becoming happier at that, "but just until Simmons is back safe." Melinda tells Phil as she wants to stay at the facility, she wants to continue to be an Avenger but she also knows that she will never forgive herself if she doesn't help bring Simmons back, if she doesn't say a proper goodbye to her 'kids' or strays as Natasha calls them.

"Really?" Phil asks, being happy about that and thinking that if May decides she wants to leave once Simmons is back then it will be her choice but at the same time he is hoping she'll want to stay.

"Really." Melinda confirms, "I need to go talk to My Captain, but then we can go."

"You're Captain?" Phil asks surprised, wondering if that means what he thinks it means.

"Yeah." Melinda confirms, "I be back soon." Melinda says before heading upstairs and leaving Phil alone.

* * *

For every step Melinda takes upstairs she wonderers if she is making the right decision. As soon as Melinda walks around the corner where Natasha, Clint, Sharon and Maria are she locks eyes with Natasha and as soon as they do Natasha knows what Melinda is going to do.

"You're going back." Natasha says, sounding disappointed.

"Just for a little while." Melinda says, "One of my Agents is missing, has been for weeks, and knowing that I can't stay here."

"Do you want to go back, Mel? Or do you just feel like you have to?" Clint asks curious.

"I have to, I need to help get Simmons back, and if I am going to be an Avenger then I need to say a proper goodbye to my old team." Melinda says, it feeling odd to call herself an Avenger, but knowing that that's what she wants to be, that's why she took back the name The Cavalry because she believed Steve, Wanda and Natasha when they told her that she could make it mean something good and that's by being an Avenger.

"Are you going to be okay going back?" Natasha asks stressing the you, it being clear what she is asking.

"I know my Triggers, I'll do my best to avoid them." Melinda says, causing Sharon and Maria to exchange confused looks, "But I do worry about going back, especially considering I'll be alone." Melinda says as she is pretty sure that she won't have the same support at The Playground that she has at The Facility.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing you won't be alone." Sharon says and Melinda, Clint, Natasha and Maria turn to look at her surprised, "You're going to need someone you can trust watching your back."

"Are you sure?" Melinda asks surprised, but at the same time very grateful.

"Yeah, I mean the four of us are the only ones who could go with you and Maria can't because she has too many eyes on her, and I'm pretty sure that if either of you go it won't end well." Sharon says looking at Clint and Natasha, "So that leaves me, and I'm happy about that because as well as watching your back I want to get to know the team Antoine spend the last few months of his life talking about." Sharon admits.

"Thank you, Sharon." Melinda tells her, being grateful for that, "We should go talk to Steve." She tells Sharon who nods, "Don't be too hard on him." Melinda tells Clint, Natasha and Maria knowing that they are going to talk to Phil.

"Can't make any promises." Clint says.

"Let's leave Phil to them and go and talk to Steve." Sharon says leading Melinda away.

As they walk back towards the living area Melinda draws on her courage and forces herself to say what she needs to say Sharon.

"Clint, Nat and I went away because I was hurting myself." Melinda tells Sharon as they walk.

"Are you still doing it?" Sharon asks as they both stop walking.

"No. But seeing as how you're coming to the base with me I thought you deserved to know." Melinda admits.

"Thanks for trusting me Mel." Sharon says, knowing that it would have took Melinda a lot to do so, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Just be a sportive ear if I need it, and don't tell anyone at base what I did." Melinda request.

"I can do that, I would have done that without you asking." Sharon tells Melinda.

"Thank you." Melinda says, surprising Sharon before giving her a hug.

"So how do you think Steve is going to react to temporally losing two members of his team?" Sharon asks curious once they break apart.

"Not sure." Melinda admits as they start to walk back towards the living area.

* * *

Melinda and Sharon haven't even walked more than a few meters down the hallway before Clint, Natasha and Maria are on their way down to where Phil, who just sent a message to Andrew, is.

"Natasha, Clint, Maria." Phil says surprised when he sees them walking towards him.

"Phil." Clint, Natasha and Maria say, "I'm glad you're alive." Clint informs Phil.

"I'm glad about that too." Phil says.

"But as glad as we are that you're okay that doesn't make you guilt tripping Mel into going back to The Playground okay." Natasha tells Phil.

"I didn't." Phil objects.

"Yeah, you did." Maria says, "You knew Mel would go back to save one of her team; because that's who she is. So you told her."

"May asked how everyone was." Phil objects, "I couldn't lie to her."

"Why not? That's all you've been doing lately." Clint says as Natasha takes a step towards Phil.

"Mel's doing good right now Phil, she'd doing really good, and if she's not good when she gets back after spending time with you and you're team, or if Sharon who is joining you tells us about something happening that changes that, I'm holding you personally responsible." Natasha says, the threat clear, before heading back upstairs.

"We all are." Maria and Clint say before following Natasha.

"Guess May got the kids." Phil mutters to himself as he watches his friends go.

* * *

When Melinda and Sharon walk back into the living are they find that Steve, Tony, Pietro, Wanda, Sam and Rhodey have stopped playing their games.

"So what did Coulson want?" Tony asks curious.

"That's complicated." Sharon tells Tony.

"Can we talk?" Melinda asks Steve.

"Sure. Hallway?" Steve asks and both Sharon and Melinda nod and follow Steve out into the corridor.

"What's going on?" Steve ask once he, Sharon, and Melinda are out in the corridor and the door is shut behind them.

"One of my team is missing and has been for weeks." Melinda informs Steve, "It was my recommendation that put her in the field, even though she didn't pass her field assessment, so I need to help find her because this would have never happened if it wasn't for me."

"So you're going back to S.H.I.E.L.D?" Steve asks, feeling disappointment at that as he has quiet enjoyed spending time with Melinda and considers her to be a valuable member of his team.

"Just until Jemma Simmons is found. I need to do this Steve, and there are people that I owe a proper goodbye to." Melinda tells Steve.

"I get it, I'll miss you, but I get it." Steve tells her, as he does he has talked to Melinda when they are sparing enough to understand her feelings about her old team, "Let me know if there is anything we can do." Steve tells Melinda.

"I will." Melinda promises.

"I'm going too Steve." Sharon says and Steve turns to look at her surprised, "Mel needs someone she can trust and count on to watch her back, and I want to meet the people that my cousin died with, I need to." She informs Steve, it being clear how important it is to her.

"Okay." Steve says, realising how important it is to Sharon, "But like I said to Melinda if you need anything just call, no matter the time or place. You're still members of my team, even if you're not here." He informs them.

"Thank you." Sharon says, "We should pack."

"Say goodbye before you leave." Steve requests.

"We will." Melinda promises as she and Sharon head to their respective bedrooms while Steve heads back into the living area.

* * *

Ten minutes later Melinda has picked up most of her stuff when the door opens and Natasha and Clint walk in.

"You're really going back?" Clint asks.

"I have to, I owe it to Simmons." Melinda informs them as she continues to pack.

"What about what you owe yourself?" Natasha asks, "If you go back you'll look after everyone else more than yourself, and you might be right back to where you were a few weeks ago."

"I know." Melinda says, "But I have to, and I will do everything I can to avoid my triggers." She says, "This is something I need to do. But I'll be back."

"Before too long I hope." Natasha says, taking a step towards Melinda, "I've liked having you here Mel."

"And I've liked being here. I'll be back Nat."

"Good." Clint says and he and Melinda exchange looks and smiles, "What do you want me to do with what I am holding on to?"

"Keep holding on to it." Melinda requests.

"Mel, you ready to go?" Sharon says as she walks in.

"Yep. " Melinda says as she zips up her bag and she, Natasha, Clint and Sharon walk out of the room.

* * *

A few minutes later, Melinda, Clint, Sharon and Natasha walk into the living area where Steve, Maria, Tony, Wanda, Pietro, Sam and Rhodey are, it being clear that everyone knows that Melinda and Sharon are leaving.

"Are you really leaving?" Pietro asks Melinda and Sharon.

"For a little while." Melinda answers, "We'll be back." Melinda tells him.

"Yes you will." Wanda says, knowing that.

"Well until then here." Tony says walking over and handing Melinda and Sharon the best, "You're Avengers that means you need the best." Tony says, "Untraceable phones with all our numbers programed in, so you can call whenever you need."

"Thanks Tony." Sharon says.

"You're welcome." Tony responds, "Let me know how your new tactical gear holds up under S.H.I.E.L.D conditions." He requests.

"We will." Sharon assures Tony as about a week and a half ago Tony showed up with new tactical gear for every Avenger, including May and Sharon, and Hill and Fury.

"You two better come back soon because we're all going to miss you." Sam says walking over to Sharon and Melinda.

"We'll miss you too Sam." Sharon assures her.

"You better." Sam says as he pulls both Melinda and Sharon into a hug.

"AVENGERS HUG." Clint yells and that's what they do.

* * *

About five minutes after Clint called for an Avengers hug both Melinda and Sharon are walking down the stairs with their bags over their shoulders.

"Phil." Melinda says as they walk across the lobby.

"Are you ready to go?" Phil asks and Melinda nods, "And Sharon you're coming?"

"Yeah, I want to meet the team that Antoine spent his last few months talking about." Sharon explains, only saying part of the reason.

"Sounds good by me, I'll be happy for the help." Phil says, suspecting that there is a bigger reason.

"Let's get going, we've got a long drive." Melinda says.

"I'm guessing you want to drive." Phil suspects, holding the keys.

"Yep." Melinda says as she takes Phil's keys and together Phil, Melinda and Sharon walk out of the facility.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

 **AN1:**  TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

 **AN2** : Thank you to everyone who supports this story, please, please leave a review/comment.

* * *

It has been two hours since Melinda, Phil and Sharon left The Avengers Facility and ever since they left both Phil and Melinda have been silent which has been making Sharon, who is sitting in the back of the car, rather uncomfortable.

"So…. Are you two going to say anything?" Sharon asks curious and Melinda looks at her in the rear view mirror, "What?" Sharon asks giving Melinda a grin.

"You've been spending too much time with Clint." Melinda informs her when she sees the grin.

"Like you can talk." Sharon responds, "And you say that like it's a bad thing."

"True, I guess there are worse people you could be spending time with." Melinda informs Sharon and once more the car drifts into silence.

"So, how have you been?" Phil asks Melinda curious after a few more minutes of silence.

"Okay." Melinda answers.

"Have you been working with the Avengers for the last eight weeks?" Phil asks and Melinda gives a nod.

"Mel hasn't been working with The Avengers, she is one." Sharon says, ignoring the look that Melinda is giving her in the mirror.

"Really?" Phil asks, looking amazed.

"Yeah." Melinda says with a nod.

"Wow." Phil says and he is shocked into silence as he knows Melinda has the skills to be an Avenger, he wanted her to be, but it being a reality still surprises him.

* * *

Two hours after Melinda, Phil, Sharon had their conversation about Melinda being an Avenger the three of them arrive at The Playground. They haven't even walked into the main part of the base when they find Skye, Hunter, Lincoln, Bobbi, Mack and a clearly looking reluctant Fitz waiting at the doors to the base.

"May." Skye says rushing forward and hugging her, "I've missed you so much." Skye says as she hugs May. Even though she was seriously hurt by what Skye said and did to her Melinda returns the hug as Skye is important to her, she matters to Melinda, which is why what Skye said and did hurt her so much.

"Missed you too." Melinda responds, telling the truth.

"Carter." Bobbi greats.

"Morse." Sharon responds.

"Hi, who are you?" Skye asks as she and Melinda break apart.

"Everyone this is Agent Sharon Carter, also known as Agent 13." Melinda introduces.

"Sharon this is Skye Johnson, Lance Hunter, Lincoln Campbell, Leo Fitz and, and you know Bobbi and Mack." Phil introduces.

"I do. It's good to see you again." Sharon says to Bobbi and Mack, "It's nice to meet the rest of you."

"Yeah. Did May say your last name is Carter?" Skye asks surprised.

"Yeah."

"As in Peggy Carter?" Skye asks.

"Yep." Sharon answers.

"Wow. Simmons would love that." Skye says, a sadness to her voice.

"Excuse me." Fitz says before walking back into the main part of the base, a look of defeat on his face.

"Has he been like that ever since Simmons went missing?" Melinda asks curious.

"This is a good day." Mack says before heading after Fitz.

"Give me ten minutes to give Sharon a tour then I want to hear everything you know." Melinda tells Phil.

"Sure." Phil responds and Melinda pulls her lanyard and opens the door which her and Sharon walk through.

"Why's Carter here?" Bobbi asks once the door is closed behind Melinda and Sharon.

"She said because she wants to know the people who her cousin talked about all the time before he died." Phil answers

"You don't believe that." Skye realises.

"Who was her cousin?" Hunter asks curious.

"No, I don't believe that; and Trip was her cousin." Phil answers and there is a sadness clear in the room at that.

"How does May know Agent Carter?" Skye asks curious.

"May was her SO." Bobbi answers before Phil can.

"How do you know that?" Hunter asks.

"I was S.H.I.E.L.D for years, remember. Last year wasn't the first time I met May and Coulson. We've known each other a long time which means I know their old team." Bobbi explains.

"Old team?" Lincoln asks curious.

"Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Maria Hill, Sharon Carter, May and I. We worked together a lot." Phil explains and everyone in the room get looks of shock at that.

* * *

"So, how does it feel to be back?" Sharon asks Melinda as they head towards the bunks.

"I'm not sure yet." Melinda admits.

"So that was Skye. Your new student." Sharon says as she has heard about Skye so she has been interested in meeting her.

"Former, she doesn't need me anymore." Melinda tells Sharon, "She doesn't want to be my student."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." Sharon says, "I first became your student ten years ago and you're still teaching me things, I still need you, I still want to be your student." Sharon says as she thinks she'll never stop learning from May.

"Thanks Sharon."

"I'm just telling the truth Mel." Sharon says with a grin.

* * *

After showing Sharon where the bunks are and giving her a quick tour of the base Melinda heads up to Phil's office, honestly she isn't sure if she is ready for that conversation.

When Melinda arrives at Phil's office she takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

"Come in May." Phil's voice says and Melinda enters the room. "So, how's Sharon?" Phil asks after about a minute of Melinda standing in the room.

"Good. She's unpacking a few things." Melinda informs Phil.

"Right. Sharon's not just here because she wanted to get to know the people who were important to Trip, right?" Phil asks.

"Right." Melinda confirms.

"What's going on Melinda?" Phil asks, not being able to help his concern.

"That's complicated." Melinda admits, "And not exactly something I want to talk about right now." Melinda says, clearly putting an end to that part of the conversation, "What's been going on, Phil?" Melinda asks as she sits down across from Phil.

"This was taken the day Simmons was taken." Phil says handing a tablet over to Melinda, making a note to bring the subject up again. Accepting the tablet Melinda presses play and watches as Simmons is sucked into the rock.

"How did the cage get open?" Melinda ask.

"Fitz accidently knocked it open." Phil answers.

"What do you know?"

"Not much. Fitz, Bobbi, Lincoln, and Mack have been doing what they can but they haven't had much luck." Phil admits, "Honestly we're all out of our league."

"If Fitz gives the okay why don't I send the information to Tony and the others at the facility, see if they can find anything." Melinda suggests.

"Stark's Tony now?" Phil asks surprised.

"Sometimes." Melinda answers, "And you didn't answer my question."

"If Fit gives the okay then send it." Phil says and Melinda nods, "But trying to find Simmons isn't the only thing we've been dealing with."

"What else has been happening?" Melinda asks.

"A lot more Inhuman have been surfacing." Phil says, "Skye and Lincoln have been working with them to try and help them, and then we've got Ward."

"What's he doing now?" Melinda asks, sounding less than impressed.

"Rebuilding Hydra." Phil explains.

"Of course he is. Any idea where?" Melinda asks.

"Not yet." Phil answers and Melinda gives a small nod before they drift into silence, "So you're an Avenger." Phil says after a few minutes.

"According to Steve I am." Melinda answers.

"You call him Steve?" Phil asks shocked.

"Yeah, I do." Melinda says, then not being able to resist she says, "He's a really good sparring partner."

"You've spared with Captain America?" Phil asks a look of complete amazement on his face.

"Yeah, almost every night for the past seven weeks." Melinda answers.

"That is so awesome." Phil says amazed.

"Yeah, I should go talk to Fitz and make the call to Tony." Melinda says standing up and walking to the door.

"Melinda." Phil says when Melinda is nearly at the door and she turns back around to look at her, "Are you okay?"

"I'm better than I was." Melinda says before heading downstairs, leaving a confused and concerned Phil behind.

* * *

After leaving Phil's office Melinda heads straight down to the lab where once she walks in she finds Fitz sitting by his computer clearly reading something and Mack standing behind him.

"Fitz." Melinda says as he walks over.

"I'm really glad you're back May but I have to keep working, I have to find Simmons." Fitz informs Melinda, not looking away from his computer.

"I know." Melinda says, "Which is why I'm here to help."

"Not to be rude but what do you know about Alien artefacts?" Mack asks, also not looking away from what Fitz is doing.

"Nothing." Melinda answers, "But I have Tony Stark on speed dial." Melinda says and both Mack and Fitz look up at her shocked.

"What are you saying?" Fitz asks, it being clear that he is exhausted and wanting desperately to find his best friend.

"I'm saying that if it's okay with you I can send everything you've got to Tony Stark and the other scientists at The Avengers Facility, and see if they can find anything." Melinda tells Fitz.

"You can do that?" Mack asks.

"I've been at the Avengers Facility for the last eight weeks, it's just one phone call." Melinda says.

"I'll make the file. Give me five minutes." Fitz requests.

"Sure, I'll make the call." Melinda says pulling the Stark Phone out of her pocket and walking out of the room.

"By my calculation you haven't even been back at the facility half an hour, what's going on?" Natasha asks in a way of answering, once Melinda made the call once she is in the corridor.

"Are you with Tony?" Melinda asks.

"Yeah, why?"

"Put me on speaker." Melinda requests.

"Mel? What's going on?" Clint asks.

"Is everything okay?" Steve asks concerned.

"Not exactly, but that's what I was expecting." Melinda admits, "The agent who is missing was sucked inside an alien Artifice and the scientists here have hit dead ends. Tony if I send you everything we've got do you think you can try to find something?" Melinda asks.

"Of course, I can't make any promises that I will find something but I can try." Tony says, "Just make sure you send everything. I can't figure the puzzle out if I don't have all the pieces." Tony says as he wouldn't put it past S.H.I.E.L.D to hold things back but at the same time he trusts May to make sure they send everything.

"I'll make sure to send you everything." Melinda promises him.

"Good." Tony says, "Just send it to my private account and I'll get back to you as soon as I know anything."

"Thank you Tony."

"You don't have to thank me." Tony assures her.

"How's everything else going?" Maria asks.

"About how I was expecting." Melinda admits.

"Is there anything I can do?" Natasha asks concerned.

"Not right now." Melinda tells her, "Tony, you'll have the file soon." Melinda says before hanging up and heading back into the lab.

"What did Stark say?" Mack asks as soon as he sees Melinda.

"He said he'll do everything he can, but he needs to have everything." Melinda tells Fitz and Mack.

"Have you talked to Coulson about this?" Mack asks.

"He knows that I was going to contact Tony for help."

"And he's okay with us giving all this information to them?" Mack asks as it doesn't seem likely.

"He didn't ask, I didn't say." Melinda answers and Mack is surprised by that.

"I've compressed everything into a file." Fitz says, "I just need the addresses to send it to." Fitz says and Melinda walks over to the computer and types it in and presses send.

"I'll let you know the second he gets back to me." Melinda tells Fitz.

"Thank you." Fitz says, being grateful for that.

"I know it's unless suggestion but you should consider getting some sleep." Melinda tells Fitz.

"I can't, not until Simmons is back." Fitz tells her and not sure what she can say to help Fitz with that Melinda just places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

* * *

Hours after Melinda sent the information to Tony she finds herself in the gym, even though it is about one am Melinda found herself there as she has become so used to the midnight sparing sessions with Steve. Because she can't spar with Steve Melinda hits the bag instead.

"Why am I not surprised to find you in here." Sharon says as she walks into the gym and sees what Melinda is doing, "Are you missing your middle of the night sparing sessions with Steve?" Sharon asks as she walks over.

"You know about that." Melinda says as she stops hitting the bag and steady's it.

"Of course. Everyone back home does." Sharon tells Melinda.

"I probably should be more surprised than I am." Melinda admits.

"Probably." Sharon confirms, "Look I know I'm no Captain America but do you want to spar with me?"

"You may not be Captain America, but you're no slouch either." Melinda tells Sharon, "And I'd love to spar with you." Melinda says and that's just what they do.

* * *

Melinda and Sharon have been sparing for about half an hour when Melinda and Sharon both notice that Skye is standing at the door.

"Last round?" Sharon asks.

"Yep." Melinda confirms as she manages to knock Sharon's legs from under her.

"Okay, you win." Sharon says and sticks out her hand for Melinda to grab which she does and helps Sharon up, "So was I a suitable substitute for Steve?" Sharon ask curious as both she and Melinda grab towels.

"Yeah." Melinda says as Skye walks over.

"I'll leave you to alone. See you in the morning, Mel." Sharon says before leaving.

"Since when do you spare in the middle of the night?" Skye asks curious as she walks over to May.

"It's just a habit that I've gotten into in the last few weeks." Melinda explains.

"What sparing with Steve? Whoever that is." Skye says, not seeing the obvious connection.

"Steve Rogers."

"As in Captain America?" Skye says shock and Melinda nods, "Oh my god!" Skye says completely shocked, "Did you ever win?"

"Yeah." Melinda answers as she has won a couple of rounds.

"Okay that's awesome." Skye says with a grin that after a few seconds turns serious, "I'm really sorry May, for what I did and what I said." Skye says, "I was so happy to find my biological family that I didn't see what was really going on, who they really were, and I hurt the people who really do matter to me." Skye says, "I thought Jiaying was everything I always wanted but I was wrong, I already had everything I always wanted because I had you." Skye says and Melinda feels joy at that, "I'm so so sorry May. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that I turned against you, I'm sorry for everything." Skye says, desperately wanting Melinda to forgive her.

"I forgive you, Skye." Melinda tells Skye, "I forgive you." Melinda repeats as even though she is still hurt by what Skye said and did she does truly forgive her, and Skye throws her arms around the older woman.

"I'm so happy you're back, I've missed you so much." Skye says and hearing the complete joy in her voice Melinda realises that there is something she has to tell her.

"I'm not staying, Skye." Melinda says as she returns the hug.

"What?" Skye asks shocked as she pulls away from May, "Why not?"

"I've been staying at the New Avengers Facility in Upstate New York for the last eight weeks and I've joined the team." Melinda reveals.

"You're an Avenger?" Skye asks shocked and impressed.

"Yes, I am." Melinda confirms.

"Wow." Skye says shocked, and for a few minutes she is silent while she tries to digest that, "Why did you come back if you're just going to leave again?" Skye asks, trying to keep the pain out of her voice.

"Because I need to help find Simmons and because I owed you and Fitz, and Simmons a proper goodbye." Melinda explains.

"Wow." Skye once more says, looking away from May, "I can't imagine you not being here."

"Skye, just because I'm not staying on base doesn't mean that I won't be here for you." Melinda tells the young woman she sees as a daughter, "If you need anything no matter, I'm just a call away. I will make sure that you always have a way to contact me, I promise." Melinda tell her, "I'll always be here for you." May says and Skye once more hugs her.

"Have you meet, Thor?" Skye asks as she buries her head in May's neck.

"He's not on earth." Melinda informs her.

"That's sad. But nightly spring sessions with captain America must be a good compromise."

"It is." Melinda says as they break apart, "Come on, there is something I want to teach you."

"At one am?" Skye says surprised.

"Yes." Melinda tells her, "Follow me." She tells Skye and even though Skye is very confused she trusts May and so she follows her.

* * *

A few minutes later Melinda and Skye arrive in the kitchen.

"What are we doing here?" Skye asks confused.

"Like I said there is something I want to teach you." Melinda tells Skye as she turns on the light

"But according to the conversation Fitz overheard between you and Andrew you can't cook." Skye says.

"He told you about that?" Melinda asks.

"Yeah." Skye confirms, "Which begs the question, what are you going to teach me?"

"I am going to teach you the one thing I can cook." Melinda says as she gets out everything she needed.

"Okay." Skye says both very interested and very confused.

"There was once a time when ever single S.H.I.E.L.D agent was taught this recipe, but it stopped happening about thirty years ago, even Phil and I never taught it to the other agents we've trained." Melinda reveals.

"And you're going to teach me it?" Skye asks surprised as now she knows that May taught Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton and Sharon Carter.

"Yeah, I am." Melinda tells her, "I'm only going to show you how to make it once so pay attention." Melinda informs Skye.

"I will." Skye assures her feeling amazed that May is showing her.

For the next few minutes Skye watches like a hawk while Melinda shows her how to make the S.H.I.E.L.D hot chocolate recipe. Once they are finished Melinda and Skye head over to the table and sits down.

"So, what do you think?" Melinda asks Skye once she has taken a sip.

"It's amazing, best I ever had." Skye says, "You said it was something that ever S.H.I.E.L.D agent was taught, who started it?"

"No one knows for sure but the rumour is that it was Howard Stark who invented it." Melinda explains.

"Do you believe that?"

"I'm not sure." Melinda says.

"Well it's amazing, whoever came up with it." Skye says and she and Melinda drift into silence. Skye is thinking about ways to get May to stay while Melinda is thinking about how relived she is that things between her and Skye are back on the right track.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

 **AN1:**  TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

 **AN2** : Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

After Melinda and Skye had hot chocolate together they both headed to bed. Melinda was able to fall asleep within about an hour but Skye wasn't able to fall asleep at all, she just laid in bed thinking about May and how odd it is going to be after May has left for good.

As soon as she is sure that Coulson will be up Skye gets up and heads straight up to his office.

"Did you know?" Skye asks as she bursts into Phil's office and finds him just getting started on his morning's paperwork.

"Know what?" Phil asks, not looking up from what he is doing.

"About May? About how she's not staying, about how she's an Avenger now." Skye says and Phil looks up at that.

"I knew. May told me about not staying before we left New York and I found out about her being an Avenger on our way here." Phil tells Skye.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Skye asks.

"Because it wasn't my place." Phil tells her.

"Well what are you going to do?" Skye asks.

"About?"

"About May!" Skye says, "We can't just let her go."

"It's her choice, Skye." Phil says, "If May want's to leave then we have to accept that." Phil says as even though he doesn't want to he knows that they have to.

"But, but, but…" Skye starts to say.

"Skye, whether May leaves or stays isn't up to us, it's up to her." Phil informs Skye.

"But why would she leave?" Skye asks confused, "What has she got in New York?"

"Friends." Phil asks, "People who are family to May."

"But she has that here. She has you here, and Me." Skye says, it being clear that she doesn't understand why May is leaving her.

"I know." Phil says getting up and walking over to Skye, "I don't want May to go either Skye, but if that's her choice we've got to accept it." Phil says, "Yes, we're here, but in May also has family in New York in the form of Natasha, Clint, Sharon and Maria, even Fury, if she wants to stay there forever then we have to accept that, as hard as it is." Phil says and Skye gives a reluctant nod.

* * *

It has been serval hours since Skye and Phil had their conversation about May leaving and in that time everyone has woken up.

Even after her conversation with Phil Skye is determine to make May see all the reasons why she should stay.

Even though Melinda knows that there is a chance that she is going to have to fly it again soon Melinda is in the Quinjet running a check on the avionics.

"I've been checking the avionics regularly." Bobbi says as she hobbles over and sits on the co-pilot check.

"I've noticed." Melinda says, "I just wanted to make sure everything is working correctly." Melinda says and they drift into silence.

"So you're an Avenger now?" Bobbi asks after a few minutes.

"You heard about that?" Melinda asks.

"Of course. You can't be surprised, word travels fast around here." Bobbi comments.

"That it does." Melinda confirms.

"Has Stark gotten back to you yet?" Bobbi asks curious.

"No, not yet."

"MAY? BOBBI?" Skye's voice says from down the ramp.

"Up here." Bobbi calls.

"We've got a mission." Skye tells Bobbi and May, "We're meeting in the common area in five." She tells them before once more leaving the plane.

"Are you cleared for field work yet?" Melinda asks Bobbi curious as they both stand up.

"No. So Coulson's been having me run missions from here." Bobbi explains as she and Melinda head towards the common area.

* * *

Half an hour later Skye and Phil have given the mission brief and Melinda, Skye, Sharon, Phil and Hunter are getting ready for the mission while Bobbi, Lincoln, Mack and Fitz are prepping the stuff that they need to get ready at the base.

"Here." Melinda says handing Sharon an ICER.

"I already have a gun." Sharon tells Melinda.

"Not one of these." Melinda tells her, "It's an ICER, a dendrotoxin gun, it's non-lethal." Melinda explains.

"Wow. Sounds like the kind of thing Steve would love." Sharon comments as she looks closely at the gun.

"Yeah, I keep forgetting to talk to him about them." Melinda admits.

"Is that the Avengers logo on your shirt?" Hunter asks as Melinda is wearing something that looks a lot like the old S.H.I.E.L.D flight suit/tactical outfit that she used to wear, with better ballistic and tactical protection, except where the S.H.I.E.L.D logo was there is now the Avengers one.

"Yes." Melinda confirms, "Coms." Melinda says as she hands Sharon hers.

"Thanks" Sharon says as she does up her tactical jacket.

"If everyone's ready let's move out." Phil instructs and that's what everyone does.

* * *

Twenty five minutes later Phil, Melinda, Skye, Sharon, and Hunter are in the quinjet on their way to a location where they know there to be Hydra activity. Because she wants to talk to Melinda Sharon gets up and out of her seat and walks to the cockpit where she sits down in the co-pilot's seat.

"You know it feels odd to be heading to a location without getting orders to parachute out when we get there." Sharon comments as on no Avengers missions do they ever land the plane.

"I know, right." Melinda says.

"Though I swear that Steve does that because he just likes jumping out of plans, usually right after a one liner." Sharon says with a grin.

"That sounds about right." Melinda admits, "But it does make things pretty enjoyable." Melinda says with a grin.

"That it does." Sharon confirms and the two of them exchange smiles.

In the back of the Quinjet Skye is watching what is going on in the cockpit with a frown on her face.

"You wouldn't be jealous would you Skye?" Hunter asks in a whisper as due to the fact that he is sitting next to Skye he saw the look on her face.

"No." Skye says and Hunter just gives her a look, "Okay maybe." She admits as she looks over to Melinda and Sharon who are clearly having a good conversation, "What's so great about her?" Skye asks Hunter in a whisper.

"Wow, you really a jealous." Hunter realises.

"May's leaving. Once we get Simmons back she's gone, so I want to know what New York's got that we don't." Skye tells Hunter.

"Avengers?" Hunter suggests.

"That's not it, there is something I'm not seeing." Skye says as she sees Melinda almost laughs while talking to Sharon.

* * *

An hour after Sharon joined Melinda in the cockpit and Skye admitted to Hunter that she is jealous about May and Sharon May lands the cloaked Quinjet.

"So you ready to run this mission as S.H.I.E.L.D agents rather than Avengers?" Melinda asks as she and Sharon head towards the back.

"We're still Avengers, just Liaisons to S.H.I.E.L.D." Sharon tells Melinda in a whisper and Melinda has to admit that Sharon is right and that in very strange to admit.

"What's the plan?" Melinda asks Phil as she and Sharon arrive where the others are.

"We've got two entrances, front and back." Phil says, "Skye and Hunter will take the front, May, Carter you'll take the back. I'll monitor things from here." Phil instructs.

"Got it." May and Sharon both say.

"Okay. Let's move out." Phil instructs and that's what they do. "Go dark once you reach your respective entrances." Phil instructs as the group of four head towards the building, "And stay that way unless there is an emergency." He tells Skye, Hunter, Melinda and Sharon all of whom nod.

"You mean we won't have Sam and Clint in our ears the entire mission talking about nothing that will be strange." Sharon whispers to Melinda as they walk.

"It really will be."

* * *

Five minutes later Melinda and Sharon enter through the back of the building where there is meant to be Hydra agents as they enter they find that the back entrance leads to a hallway that splits into two different directions and so Sharon signals that she will go right while Melinda goes left.

A few minutes after Melinda and Sharon split up a small explosion and everyone is fired upon.

"EVERYONE REPORT." Coulson orders though the coms, it being clear that he is worried.

"I'm fine." Skye says.

"Me too." Hunter adds.

"All good." Melinda comments.

"Same." Sharon adds, "I've got eye on the bomber but I'm pinned by shooters." Sharon says as she fires back, "Someone needs to get behind, Cavalry can you do it?" Sharon asks.

"Don'….." Skye and Phil both start to say but before they can finish they get cut off.

"Yeah Agent 13, I can do it." Melinda responds to Skye and Coulson's shock as normally May would say don't call me that, "Description?" Melinda asks.

"Late twenties, six foot, dark brown hair, Hawkeye muscle mass, headed south east." Sharon answers as the Avenges ten to use descriptions of each other and other they all know to describe what people look like.

"Got it." Melinda responds as she makes her way through the facility pulling her second ICER just in case.

For the next few minutes everyone continues to either fight back or make their way through the building. Melinda is just rounding a corner when she is fired upon and so she ducks behind and fires back. After about a minute Melinda realises that she is no longer being fired upon and so she is able to peer around the corner where she sees the shooter and going by the way he looks bomber unconscious.

"I've got the bomber." Melinda tells the others.

"My shooters are down." Sharon says.

"Rest of the facility is secure." Skye adds.

"Secure everyone, Talbot is on his way." Phil informs them.

"On it, Sir." Hunter says.

* * *

Two hours later everyone is back at The Playground and Sharon is sitting on one of the mats in the gym on her laptop, relaxing.

"Why the hell would you call May Cavalry?" Skye asks as she walks in the room, "She hates that." Skye says, glaring at Sharon.

"She did and not too long ago I would have hit anyone who dared to call her that, but things change." Sharon says closing her laptop, "Mel isn't letting the Cavalry be a reminder of the horrible thing, whatever it is, that happened in Bahrain; instead she using it to represent something good, she's making it be a symbol of hope." Sharon informs Skye.

"Really? After years of it haunting her all a sudden she is so okay with it? I don't believe it." Skye says as she has seen the affect Bahrain has on May first hand and honestly can't see May ever being okay with being called that name especially after who she killed to get it.

"That's your choice, but you should think about not talking about things you don't understand." Sharon says as she stands up.

"I do understand, and I apologised to May for what I said before she left." Skye tells Sharon.

"Which is great, but that doesn't change the effect your words had, nothing can." Sharon tells Skye, as knowing what May did and having been told by Clint the vague details of what Skye and Phil did she would have to guess that the two things are connected, "You've been living with Mel for two years Skye, she deserved more respect, and if you paid any attention you would have realised that Mel cares about everyone else a hell of a lot more than she does herself, no matter the personal cost." Sharon says before leaving, answering her phone that starts to ring as she does. Even though Sharon knows that she shouldn't have let her anger get the better of her she couldn't help it as she cares about Melinda she is one of the people in the world that she respects the most.

After Sharon leaves Skye stands shocked in the gym not sure what to think or do.

* * *

While Skye and Sharon talk in the gym Melinda is on her way up to Phil's office figuring that she owes him an explanation. Normally Melinda would just walk into Phil's office but because she isn't sure where they stand at the moment Melinda knocks.

"Come in." Phil says and Melinda enters, "Since when do you knock?" Phil asks when he sees Melinda.

"I wasn't sure if walking in unannounced would be appreciated." Melinda admits.

"I actually like it when you do that… don't tell anyone." Phil requests.

"I won't." Melinda promises, "You probably have questions." Melinda says as she sits down across from Phil.

"Yeah, I do." Phil confirms, "You let Sharon call you Cavalry." Phil says it being clear that he is shocked by that.

"Yeah, I did." Melinda says, "A couple of weeks ago we were on a mission and Steve said that I needed an Avengers name." Melinda informs Phil, "I said that I had one I hate and I didn't need another one but Steve said that I should have one and Clint and Sam kept trying to come up with one for me." Melinda tells Phil.

"What names did they suggest?" Phil asks curious.

"Beta after our strike team and Ace for ace pilot." Melinda reveals.

"Wow, neither of them sound good." Phil comments.

"They really don't. Steve and I talked the night after Clint and Sam came up with those suggestions and he suggested I take the name Cavalry and make it represent a hero. I talked to Nat as well and she said the same thing and Wanda said something very similar, she said to make it mean hope not death." Melinda explains, "I spent a lot of time considering it and thinking about everything and I decided that I would take on the name Cavalry as my Avenger name and make it mean something else, make it represent something better."

"Wow Melinda, wow." Phil says shocked, not sure what to say. Not really sure what to say Melinda and Phil drift into silence.

Melinda and Phil have been sitting in silence when they hear a knock on the door.

"Come in." Phil says and Sharon walks in.

"Sorry to interrupt but Steve's on the phone." Sharon says walking over and handing her phone to Melinda.

"May." Melinda says, "Yeah? You sure? Of course I do. Hold on." Melinda says before pressing mute, "Can you spare us for a few hours?" Melinda asks Phil curious.

"Yeah, why?" Phil asks curious.

"There's a lead on someone we've been tracking for the last few weeks. Steve needs all hands on deck." Melinda explains.

"Yeah, we can spare you for a few hours." Phil says, realising that he can't really stand in the way of that.

"Thanks." Melinda says before unmuting the phone, "Hey Steve, yeah, we're in. Yep. Ask Maria. Okay. See you then." Melinda says before hanging up, "They'll be here in the Quinjet in half an hour." Melinda informs Sharon as she hands her cell phone back.

"I'll meet you in the hanger." Sharon says before taking her phone back and leaving.

"We should only be gone a few hours." Melinda tells Phil.

"That's fine, take as long as you need." Phil informs Melinda, "Good luck with what you have to do."

"Thanks Phil. There's something I need to do before I go, talk to you later." Melinda says before leaving Phil's office.

* * *

After leaving Phil's office Melinda heads down to the lab as there is something that she wants to talk to Fitz about before leaving for the mission.

When Melinda walks into the lab she isn't surprised to find Fitz and Mack on the computer, clearly working on something to find Simmons.

"Fitz."

"Have you heard from Stark?" Fitz asks, sounding hopeful.

"Not yet. I'll let you know as soon as I do." Melinda tells her, "What I did need to talk to you about are ICERS."

"Why?" Both Fitz and Mack ask.

"Sharon and I have to temporally leave on an Avengers Mission and ICERS are the kind of thing that Steve Rogers will love so I was wondering if you have any extras." Melinda says.

"I have a case of ICERS and rounds that you can give the Avengers if you would like." Fitz offers.

"That would be great." Melinda tells him, "Tony doesn't go on missions so he'll still be working on finding Simmons and I know that he will do everything he can."

"Thank you. I'll take you to the ICERS." Fitz tells her.

* * *

Twenty five minutes later Sharon and Melinda are in the Hanger ready to go while everyone else is standing with them wanting to see them go.

"So how long will you be gone for?" Skye asks curious.

"Just a few hours." Melinda explains.

"This mission is something we've been chasing for a while, but it won't take long." Sharon says.

"Looks like your ride is here." Bobbi says as a Quinjet flies into the hanger.

"Yep. See you all later." Melinda says as she and Sharon walk towards the jet.

* * *

When Melinda and Sharon walk into the plane they find Clint coming into the main part of the jet from the cockpit and Sam, Steve, Natasha, Rhodey, Wanda and Pietro standing around.

"Where's Vision?" Sharon asks when she doesn't see the AI.

"He's helping Tony with your problem." Rhodey explains.

"What's in the case?" Natasha asks curious.

"ICERS."

"Which are what exactly?" Sam asks.

"Incapacitating Cartridge Emitting Railguns, they are a non-lethal option." Melinda explains as she puts the guns down, "Each round has doses of dendrotoxin that will knock out most appointees. My scientists created them just before S.H.I.E.L.D fell and because of that they didn't make it into distribution." Melinda explains, "I've been meaning to tell you about them." She tells Steve.

"Non-lethal option, could be useful." Steve says, liking the sound of that.

"Do you trust them?" Natasha asks Melinda curious.

"Yeah, I do." Melinda confirms, "They're great, have helped S.H.I.E.L.D a lot. They lose effectiveness against enhanced, but they have my complete support."

"That's good enough for me." Clint says and Natasha nods in agreement.

"Do you want me to get us in the air?" Melinda asks Steve curious.

"Yeah I do." Steve says as he opens the case to look at the ICERS and Melinda does just that.

* * *

Ever since Skye talked to Sharon she has realised that something had to have happened while May was gone and as she re plays every single thing that Sharon said over and over in her head Skye realises that she needs to talk to Coulson so she gets up and heads to his office.

* * *

It has been an hour since Melinda and Sharon left and ever since Phil has been sitting in his office trying to do paperwork but he finds himself unable to as he is worried about his partner, even though he knows that she can look after herself.

Phil is about to try, for the hundredth time, to continue his paperwork when he hears a knock on the door.

"Come in." Phil says, happy for the distraction and Skye walks in.

"I think something happened to May." Skye tells Phil.

"What do you mean?" Phil asks, his attention completely on Skye.

"Carter told me that the fact that I apologised doesn't change the effects my words had, that nothing can." Skye informs Phil, "To me that sounds like something bad happened." Skye admits, it being clear that she is worried.

"That would explain the threat." Phil realises.

"What threat?" Skye asks curious.

"Before we left New York Sharon, Natasha threatened me. She said that May's doing good and if she's not good when May goes back to New York, if she hears something that changes that, then she's holding me personally responsible, and Clint and Maria agreed." Phil explains, "As protective as Nat is she wouldn't have made that threat without a reason." He admits, not being able to help his worry.

"What the hell do you think happened?" Skye ass.

"I don't know." Phil admits, "But I'm going to find out." Phil promises, making it his mission to find out what happened to his partner, before she isn't his partner anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

 **AN1:**  TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

 **AN2:**  Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

It has been two days since Skye come to Coulson with her concerns about May and ever since Phil hasn't had a chance to confront May.

It is about one am and because she can't manage to break the habit Melinda is in the gym, sparing with Sharon, and after getting a tip from Skye Phil has headed there to. When he arrives Phil sees Sharon and Melinda sparing and because he knows better than interrupting Phil is just stands in the doorway watching, waiting for them to finish.

"We've got an audience." Sharon informs Melinda.

"I've noticed." Melinda comments as she blocks Sharon's attack.

"One more round?" Sharon asks as she ducks.

"Sure." Melinda says and they continue to spare.

Five minutes later Sharon is knocked onto the ground.

"Okay. I'm done." Sharon says, "I swear that between you and Nat I am never going to win a sparring match."

"You've beaten me before." Melinda reminds Sharon, "And Nat."

"Not as many times as the two you have beaten me." Sharon says as she picks up her towel and water as Phil walks over, "I'll see you in the morning." Sharon says then realises that she wants to make sure Melinda gets that she is there for her if she needs anything after her conversation with Phil, "Of course it is technically already morning and it will be an hour before I fall asleep, so I guess I should say I'll see you when the sun is up." Sharon says before leaving.

"You're up late." Melinda tells Phil.

"Or early, depending on the way you look at it." Phil comments.

"It's only early if you have gone to sleep." Melinda tells him.

"Good point." Phil admits and they drift into silence.

"Did you need something Phil?" Melinda ask curious.

"No, I was just…" Phil says not sure how to ask whether May is okay without her shutting him down right away.

"Just?"

"Are you okay Melinda?" Phil asks concerned.

"I'm fine." Melinda says and honestly Phil wasn't expecting another answer.

"Would you tell me if you weren't?" Phil asks, not sure if she would.

"You know the answer to that." Melinda informs Phil, being vague on purpose.

"Yeah, I do. Which is why I'm asking." Phil tells her, "I know that things between us haven't been great lately Melinda but I do care about you and if something is bothering your or if you're not okay then I want to help." Phil tells her.

"Thank you, Phil." Melinda says, but before she can say anymore Melinda's phone rings, "Hello."

"Why am I not surprised that you're still up?" Tony's voice asks.

"You're still up too." Melinda says as Phil gives her a look of interest.

"That's because Vision, Dr Cho, and I have been working non-stop to try and find you're girl."

"Have you found her?" Melinda asks.

"No. But we think we know how to." Tony says, "I'm going to need to see the rock in person and if I'm right then I can get your girl back by the end of the day."

"That's great." Melinda says, actually sounding happy.

"I thought you would be glad about that." Tony admits, "I'm going to get a few hours of desperately needed rack time then I'll over. I'll see you at like, ten."

"See you then." Melinda says before hanging up.

"Who was that?" Phil asks after Melinda hangs up.

"Stark. He's got an idea about how we can get Simmons back, he'll be here at ten." Melinda tells Phil.

"Really?" Phil asks, looking happy and Melinda nods.

"Yeah." Melinda confirms, "I should go tell Fitz."

"There is no point, he's been sedated, and he won't be up until morning." Phil explains, "It's the only way he gets any sleep these days."

"Well, this should change that." Melinda says, "I'm going to head to bed, see you later." Melinda says before leaving.

"And I still don't know whether she is okay." Phil realises as he watches Melinda go.

* * *

After leaving the gym Melinda heads to the kitchen where she grabs a cup of ice water before she heads to her bunk.

Once Melinda gets to her bunk she sits down cross legged on her bed, puts her phone on the bedside table, and she grabs one of the ice cubes out the cup of water she got and places it against her fading scars in hopes of getting rid of the compulsion she has been feeling for a while. As she places the ice against her ankle Melinda looks over at her phone. After staring for about a minute Melinda reaches over and grabs it and goes into her contacts. Once in her contacts Melinda's finger hovers only Natasha's name. Melinda desperately wants to talk to Natasha and Clint, but at the same time she doesn't want to wake them up. As she stares at the name Nat Melinda can practically hear Natasha's voice saying, 'Call me.' And so she presses call.

"Mel? You okay?" Natasha's voice asks concerned after only two rings.

"Ye….I don't know." Melinda admits as she knows without a doubt that Natasha will know if she lies so what's the point.

"What's going on?" Natasha asks concerned as, unknown to Melinda she sits up in her bed and turns on the light, "Mel?"

"It's always there, no matter what I do, that knowledge that I'll feel relief if I drag my blade across my skin." Melinda tells Natasha.

"Have you?" Natasha asks, needing to know.

"No. but I want to, I so want to." Melinda says, "The ice helps, but the desire is still there, I should have never started again, I was an idiot."

"You were in pain." Natasha corrects, "And you thought hurting yourself was the answer, but it wasn't Mel."

"I know."

"I know you do, and I know that as hard as it is you have to fight against that desire." Natasha says, "Just keep fighting it Mel."

"I am." Melinda says, "I miss you, Nat." Melinda admits as Natasha has always been the one person on the planet that she could tell anything to, no matter what, with no fear of judgement.

"Miss you to." Natasha admits, "But I'm not going anyway, not until you're ready."

"Thank you." Melinda says gratefully.

"So, tell me about your team, about what is going on there." Natasha requests, wanting to distract Melinda from the desire she is feeling.

* * *

After spending almost two hours on the phone with Natasha Melinda decided to get some sleep, and after a few hours' sleep Melinda gets up and is heading towards the lab to talk to Fitz when partway down the bunk corridor she sees Sharon, clearly waiting.

"Are you okay?" Sharon asks concerned.

"Nat call you?" Melinda asks after looking down the corridor to make sure they are alone.

"Yeah. She said you might need a friend, someone you can count on." Sharon tells her, "So I'm here, whatever you need."

"Thanks Sharon."

"So, do you need to talk?" Sharon asks as one of the bunks open and Hunter walks out.

"Later." Melinda tells her as Hunter walks towards them.

"Ladies." Hunter greats.

"Hunter." Both May and Sharon say.

"So, do you want to talk?" Sharon asks once Hunter's footsteps have died away.

"Later. I've got to talk to Fitz." Melinda tells her.

* * *

After talking to Sharon Melinda heads straight to the lab and she is quiet thankful that she didn't see anyone else on her way there.

"Fitz." Melinda says when she walks into the room and sees Fitz and Mack once more working on something, "I have good news."

"Stark's got something?" Fitz asks, looking hopeful, but it is clear that he is forcing himself too.

"Potentially, he'll be here at 10." Melinda informs Fitz.

"Really?" Fitz and Mack ask together.

"Really. He said that he needs to see the rock in person but if he right then Simmons could be back today." Melinda reveals and Fitz looks completely shocked and thrilled.

"It's almost over, Turbo, she's almost back." Mack tells his friend and because he is so happy that there is a real chance that he is going to get his best friend back soon Fitz just hugs Mack.

"I'll let you know as soon as Tony gets here." Melinda says before leaving the lab, feeling that Mack and Fitz might need some time alone.

* * *

"So I'm guessing the rumours true." Skye says as Melinda walks out of the lab, "Stark found a way to get Simmons back."

"He thinks so, but he won't know for sure until he sees the rock." Melinda explains.

"That's great, but I guess that means you'll be leaving soon." Skye realises, sounding upset about that.

"I'll stay for a little while, probably about a week, but yeah if Simmons comes back and if she is okay then I'll leave." Melinda informs Skye as though things between her and Skye are better and her and Phil are back on track she still wants to go back to New York, as she wants to be an Avenger.

"Wow. Things are going to be really strange without you." Skye comments.

"Remember what I said Skye, if you need anything just call." Melinda says and Skye gives a nod.

* * *

At ten to ten Melinda, Phil, Sharon, and Fitz are waiting in the hanger for Tony to arrive.

"How's Stark getting here?" Phil asks Melinda.

"Flying. The quinjet should be here soon." Melinda says and Phil nods.

"Try now." Sharon says as a Quinjet flies in.

"You'll be home soon Jemma, you'll be home." Fitz mutters as the Quinjet lands.

About a minute after the Quinjet down Tony and to everyone's surprise, Clint and Natasha, walk out of the plane.

"What are you two doing here?" Sharon asks, even though she could guess.

"We had some time, thought we would join Tony." Clint says as Natasha locks eyes with Melinda, it being clear that they came to make sure Melinda is okay.

"I'm Leo Fitz, thank you so much for this Mr Stark." Fitz says.

"It's Tony, and it's not a problem." Tony says, "Agent." He says to Phil, amazed to see him in person.

"It's director now." Phil corrects, "It's good to see you Tony."

"Yeah, you too." Tony responds, "Leo Fitz, take me to the space rock." Tony requests and Fitz does just that.

"Natasha, Clint." Phil greats, "Would you like a tour?"

"Mel can give it." Natasha says, "I know I want to see the gym." She says as she is sure that it is a place where the three, four if Sharon joins them, can talk.

"Of course you do." Melinda realises, "Follow me." Melinda tells Natasha and Clint.

"Sharon?" Clint asks.

"I'm good." Sharon says, thinking that giving Clint, Natasha and Melinda some time alone would be for the best and Melinda, Natasha and Clint leave.

"Okay, what is going on?" Phil asks Sharon once Melinda, Natasha and Clint have headed into the main part of the base.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sharon says, completely lying.

"Don't lie Sharon, no matter how good you may be at it." Phil says, "There is no way Clint and Nat are here for a tour that was a bad cover, even for them." Phil says as he has heard his share of Clint, Natasha and Melinda's covers and that was one of the worse, "I worried Carter, just tell me, what is going on?" Phil asks

"I wish I could, but it's not my place." Sharon informs Phil.

"Should I be worried?" Phil asks concerned.

"I can't say."

"What can you say?" Phil asks, feeling that the fact that Sharon didn't answer the question tells him that the answer is yes.

"That things, at least for now, are under control." Sharon says before heading back into the main part of base. As Phil is left alone in the hanger he can't help but become more worried and wonders what is going on with Melinda and whether she is okay.

* * *

After leaving the hanger Melinda, Clint and Natasha head to Melinda's bunk instead of the gym as it is somewhere more private. As soon as Melinda, Clint and Natasha arrive in Melinda's bunk Melinda pulls her friends into a hug, being glad to see them.

"How you doing, Mel?" Clint asks.

"I'm glad to see you two." Melinda admits.

"Yeah, well, we're glad to see you too." Natasha tells her.

"So, how has it been to be back?" Clint asks curious as the three of them break apart.

"Good. Things between Skye and I are better, and things with Phil are on the right track." Melinda admits.

"That's great." Natasha says, knowing what that would mean to Melinda, "Are you thinking about staying once Stark gets Simmons back?" She asks curious as she wants to know.

"I would be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind." Melinda admits, "But, I'm not going to stay." Melinda admits, "If Simmons is found, I'm going to stay for a little while to make sure she is okay, but then I'll come back to New York, it's where I belong now." Melinda admits as ever since S.H.I.E.L.D fell Melinda has been wondering where her place is and being back at the Playground the last few days has shown her, even more certainly, that her place is in New York with the other Avengers.

"As selfish as it is I'm glad to hear that." Clint says as he wants to spend more time with his friend after spending so long far away from one another.

"Yeah." Melinda says, "We should head to the lab, I don't even want to think about what Tony, Fitz and Mack could do together."

"Yeah, from what you've said I don't want to think about that either." Natasha says and the three of them leave Melinda's bunk.

* * *

When Melinda, Clint and Natasha walk into the lab a few minutes later they find Fitz, Mack, Bobbi, Tony, Lincoln and Mack working on something and Skye, Phil, Hunter and Sharon standing around, watching.

"How's things going?" Melinda asks.

"Not sure." Skye says, turning around but then she sees who Melinda is standing with, "Holy crap." Skye says, "You're Black Widow and Hawkeye."

"Yes we are." Clint says, "You must be Skye."

"Yeah, I am." Skye says, "It's… amazing to meet you." Skye tells them.

"It's nice to meet you too." Natasha informs her, meaning that as Skye is clearly important to Melinda which means that she is someone that she is glad to meet.

"Are we getting more Avengers as long term guests?" Hunter ask.

"We're just visitors." Clint comments, as he looks at Hunter and realises something, "You're Morse's ex."

"Yeah, I am." Hunter confirms.

"Huh."

"So, any idea what they are doing?" Melinda asks Phil curious.

"None, how was your tour?" Phil asks, trying to catch Melinda, or Clint and Natasha in a lie, as impossible as that is, so that he can get some idea about what is going on.

"Great, it's one of Fury's better secret bases." Natasha says.

"We've made it pretty cosy." Phil informs them, "We even have a George Forman grill."

"You're really obsessed with that." Skye comments.

"Phil always has liked to have the best when it comes to cooking." Clint informs everyone.

"Good equipment makes the food taste better." Phil argues.

"Only in some cases." Natasha argues.

"True." Phil admits and the group drifts into silence.

* * *

For the next half an hour Skye, Melinda, Natasha, Clint, Phil, Sharon and Hunter watch while Bobbi, Lincoln, Mack, Fitz and Tony work on both the alien rock and equipment. Lincoln being sure that he stays at least three feet away from the box where the stone is at all times.

"That's it." Fitz says.

"Yeah, it is." Tony says with a grin, "Okay, anyone Inhuman leave the room." Tony says, "And considering the formula in you, you should leave to." Tony tells Phil as he knows enough about the GH to know what Phil has in him.

"Let me know as soon as it's safe so I can check her out if this worked." Lincoln says and Fitz nods.

"Everyone else stand back." Tony instructs and Skye, Lincoln, and Phil leave the room while everyone else except for Tony and Fitz move across the room.

"How dangerous is this?" Hunter asks curious.

"You don't want to know." Bobbi tells him.

"This should be interesting." Sharon comments.

"As long as it works that's all that matters." Mack says.

"We'll get started in about a minute, but before we do everyone needs to put on safety glasses." Fitz tells everyone.

"Safety glasses against a rock that sucks people into it?" Clint asks.

"Yeah, you'll need them." Tony tells them and everyone who is still in the room collect safety glasses. "Okay. Let's do this." Tony says once everyone is wearing safety glasses.

For about a minute both Fitz and Tony type on one keyboard at the same time while Bobbi, Mack, Sharon, Melinda, Clint, Natasha and Hunter watch.

"It's time." Fitz says and Tony nods.

"If you want to leave now's the time." Tony tells everyone else who is still in the room.

"Is that something we'll want to do?" Clint asks curious.

"Possibly, yeah." Fitz admits and everyone still in the room exchange looks but no one makes an effort to move.

"Okay then, let's do this thing." Tony says after a minute once no one has made an effort to move. At Tony's words Mack and Bobbi walk over and Bobbi picks up what looks like an electrode while Mack picks up what looks like an electronic drill, Tony picks up another drill, and Fitz picks up the other electrode looking thing.

Being careful not to stand directly in front of the opening the cage Tony and Mack drill holes into it in the exact same places on opposite sides. Once the holes are in place Tony gets one of the electrode looking thing from Bobbi while Mack gets one from Fitz and they drop them into the cage.

Once the electrode looking objects are in the cage both Fitz, Tony, Mack and Bobbi head back over to the computer and Fitz and Tony both once more type on the computer,

"Are you sure about this?" Bobbi asks Tony and Fitz while they type.

"As sure as I can be." Tony says.

"It's our only chance." Fitz says, picking up the computer, "Move back." He says and he, Tony, Fitz and Bobbi do. Once the four of them are several steps back Fitz exchange a look with Mack,

"Let's do this Turbo." Mack says and Fitz presses enter.

As soon as Fitz presses enter a bright, almost blinding light, fills the cage and then the room. For about a minute it is almost impossible to see, and when the light disappears the rock is gone and lying in the cage, unconscious, is Jemma Simmons.

"Get Lincoln." Bobbi says as she, Fitz, Tony and Mack rush towards the cage.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

 **AN1:**  TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

 **AN2:**  Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please.

* * *

Ever since they were told to leave the lab Skye, Lincoln and Coulson have been waiting out in the corridor clearly nervous about what is going on.

"How long is this going to take?" Skye asks as she walks up and down the corridor.

"Depends." Lincoln says, "It could be a few minutes or as long as an hour. It just depends." He says and the three of them drift into silence while Skye continues to pace.

"Is that meant to happen?" Phil ask as the entire lab fills with a bright light.

"Yep." Lincoln confirms.

"Lincoln, we need you." Hunter says opening the door about a minute later and without a word Lincoln, Skye and Phil go running back into the room.

* * *

When they run into the room Skye, Phil and Lincoln find Clint and Mack lifting Simmons onto a stretcher.

"Is he okay?" Skye asks worried.

"We don't know." Bobbi says as she connects monitoring equipment to Simmons.

"Okay. We need to draw blood, run scans, and run some test." Lincoln says as he hurries over to Simmons, "We've got to find out what happened to her." He instructs, "And anyone without science knowledge leave while we figure things out, the less people in here the better." Lincoln says, it being clear that he is in doctor mode.

"We'll be in the common area. Let us know as soon as you find anything." Phil says and he, Skye, Melinda, Sharon, Natasha, Clint and Hunter leave.

"As soon as the blood is drawn I can start to run it." Bobbi says.

"I've got Dr Cho in New York on standby if you need a second opinion on that." Tony tells Bobbi.

"Good, I may just need that."

* * *

It has been ten minutes since Phil, Skye, Hunter, Sharon, Melinda, Natasha and Clint left the lab and it is clear that all those who know Simmons are concerned.

Even though he is very worried about Simmons Phil is also worried about Melinda and because he realises that it will be a while before they have news on Simmons Phil realises that he has a chance to find out what is going on with Melinda. As he sees Melinda get up and head to the kitchen Phil gets up and follows her.

"May, can we talk?" Phil asks.

"Okay." Melinda says with a nod, "Your office?" Melinda asks and Phil nods.

As Phil and Melinda head up to his office they are both very well aware that Natasha and Clint are watching them.

"Do you know where the ventilation shafts are?" Clint asks Sharon in a whisper.

"You want to spy on them?" Sharon asks, more surprised than she admittedly should be.

"You know what is going on with Mel, can you blame us?" Natasha asks, her voice barely loud enough for Sharon and Clint to hear.

"No." Sharon says with a sign, "Follow me, there's an entrance not far from here." Sharon says and along with Natasha and Clint she leaves the room.

"What do you think that's about?" Hunter asks Skye curious.

"I wish I knew." Skye admits.

* * *

"What's going on Phil?" Melinda asks once the two of them are in Phil's office and the door is closed behind them.

"That's funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing." Phil says.

"Phil…." Melinda starts to say and Coulson cuts her off.

"Something's going on with you Melinda, and I'm not the only one who thinks so." Phil says, "Natasha and Clint aren't here just because they had some time, they're here because they are worried too, and there are not a lot of things that worry them." Phil says, "Please Melinda, what's going on?" Phil asks, his voice sounding desperate, "Please, talk to me." Phil requests.

For a little while Melinda is quiet, as she attempts to figure out what to say.

"Melinda?" Phil asks after about five minutes, it being clear that he is concerned.

"I went through a difficult time in New York, Nat and Clint helped, that's why they're worried." Melinda says, wanting to be vague as she doesn't want Phil to see her differently, "I'm doing better now, but you know how protective Clint and Nat can be."

"Especially of you." Phil comments, as Clint and Natasha have always been protective of Melinda, "What do you mean difficult time?" Phil asks concerned and Melinda immediately tenses at that, not wanting to answer, and to her relief, before she can, there is a noise coming from the vent.

"What the….." Phil starts to ask then he realises, "Clint."

' _Thank you Clint.'_  Melinda thinks as Phil walks over to the vents.

"Heya Phil." Clint says with a grin once Phil has open the entrance to the vent.

"Hi, want to come down from there?" Phil asks.

"Sure." Clint says and he climbs out of the vent.

"You can come out too, Nat." Phil says and Natasha climbs out as well, "Why were you two spying?"

"You know me, I like to know everything about a building." Clint says, only partially lying as Natasha side steps around Clint and over to Melinda as the two of them were watching Melinda carefully which is why they made the noise, so that they would be found, when they realised that Melinda didn't want to answer.

"What's really going on?" Phil asks Clint.

"Do you need to get out of here?" Natasha asks Melinda in a whisper.

"Yeah." Melinda confirms as she doesn't think she can tell Phil what she did as telling him is very different than telling Natasha or Clint, partly because Melinda knows that Phil will blame himself which is the last thing she wants. At Melinda's conformation Natasha signs  _'Distract him'_  at Clint.

"I was curious. I've known Fury to leave some interesting things in the vents on other bases so I thought I would check." Clint says as Melinda and Natasha slip out the door.

"And you just happened to want to check the vents when I was talking to Melinda?" Phil asks, it being clear that he doesn't believe Clint's lie.

"It seemed like as good of time as any." Clint says with a shrug.

"You've been quiet Natasha, do you agree with all of this?" Phil asks turning intending to talk to Natasha but he finds both her and Melinda gone, "You were on distraction detail?" Phil asks Clint, realising that he should have seen that coming.

"Temporarily."

"What is going on Clint?" Phil asks concerned, "Please, tell me."

"I can't." Clint says, "I won't." he corrects.

"Please Clint, please." Phil requests.

"It's not my place, Phil." Clint says as he walks over to Phil, "Don't push Mel, let her come to you when or if she is ready. Just give her time."

"I'm running out of time Clint, before too long Melinda's going to be back in New York, with you and I won't see her." Phil says.

"That's her choice." Clint says, "Look, Mel's your best friend, I known you two longer than anyone other than Fury so I get how concerned you are, but Phil, you can't push her, trust me on that." Clint says, "If Mel is ready for you to know she'll tell you, but if she's not then you can't force her." Clint says taking another step towards Phil, "And if you try then it's me and Nat you'll have to deal with." Clint says the threat clear, "Mel needs time, give her that and accept that she may never be ready for you to know what's happened." Clint says and he turns and walks to the door, "Oh and we both know that just because Mel's coming back to New York doesn't mean that you'll never see her. She'll be here in a minute if you or anyone else on the team need anything." Clint says before leaving, leaving Phil to his worry.

* * *

It has been over two hours since Melinda and Natasha snuck out of Phil's office and ever since Melinda, Natasha, Clint, Phil, Skye, Hunter and Sharon having been waiting in the common area for news about Simmons.

"This is taking too long, something must be seriously wrong." Skye says, it being clear that she is worried.

"It's alien artefacts, getting information about that takes a while." Natasha says.

"Not this long." Skye says, it being clear that she is worried.

"It will take as long as it has too." Phil says and everyone drifts back into silence.

About ten minutes later everyone in the common area hear footsteps and so they all stand up, just in time for Lincoln, Bobbi and Tony to walk in.

"How's Simmons?" Skye asks concerned.

"She's good." Lincoln says, "She's still unconscious, but apart from some low oxygen and dehydration she is okay."

"No other affects?" Phil asks.

"It doesn't seem like it, but we won't know for sure until Simmons wakes up." Bobbi says.

"Will she?" Hunter asks.

"Everything looks promising." Tony says.

"Can I see her?" Skye asks.

"Yeah." Lincoln says with a nod and Phil, Skye, Hunter, Bobbi and Lincoln leave.

"Are you guys heading back?" Sharon asks.

"I'm ready to if you guys are." Tony says to Natasha and Clint. At Tony's suggestion Clint and Melinda look at each other and the three of them manage to have a conversation without words.

"Yeah, we're ready." Clint confirms.

"When are you two going to join us again?" Tony asks curious looking at Melinda and Sharon.

"A few days, maybe a week." Melinda says, "I just need to make sure things are okay here before leaving."

"Got it, see you soon." Tony tells Melinda and Sharon.

"Let's walk you out." Sharon says and the five of them head out of the room.

* * *

It has been over an hour since Tony, Natasha and Clint left the playground and ever since Fitz, Mack, Skye, Melinda, Phil, Sharon, Hunter, Bobbi and Lincoln have been sitting around Simmons's bed waiting for her to wake up.

Ever since she appeared again Fitz has been sitting right next to Simmons, waiting and hoping for his best friend to open her eyes so that he can know that she is okay.

"Do we know when she will wake?" Hunter asks Bobbi in a whisper.

"No, it could be any time." Bobbi explains.

"Hopefully not too long." Hunter says as he looks at Fitz who looks even worse than he has for the last few weeks.

"Hopefully." Bobbi says and the two of them drift into silence.

"Jemma." Fitz suddenly says about five minutes later, "Jemma, can you hear me?" Fitz asks as he and Skye both stand up and move even closer to Simmons than they already were, something which is hard to do with how close they already are.

"Jemma open your eyes, please." Skye request.

"Please Jemma, please." Fitz says and to everyone's relief Simmons's eyes flicker open.

"Jemma." Fitz says, sounding thrilled.

"Fitz?" Simmons ask.

"Yeah, it's me." Fitz says sounding relieved.

"What happened? Where am I?" Simmons asks looking around, while everyone else exchange concerned looks, "Am I in the lab?"

"Yeah you are." Lincoln says as he walks over to Simmons, "What's the last thing you remember?" he asks.

"Lincoln? That's your name right?" Simmons asks.

"Yeah, can you answer the question? What is the last thing you remember?" Lincoln asks.

"Um, I was near the Alien rock, I noticed the cage was slightly open, so I went to close it." Simmons says, looking like she is thinking deeply, "I don't remember anything else." Simmons answers, "What happened?" Simmons asks fear in her voice.

"I'll tell you in a minute, but first I need you to tell me the name of everyone in this room." Lincoln says as he want to test Simmon's memory.

"You're Lincoln. Fitz. Skye." Simmons says smiling at each of her friends as she says there names, "Lance Hunter, Bobbi Morse, Mack, Phil Coulson, Melinda May, and I don't know the person next to May." Simmons says.

"We've never met." Sharon says, "I'm Sharon Carter, it's nice to meet you Dr Simmons." Sharon introduces.

"Carter?" Simmons asks, her eyes widening a look of amazement on her face.

"I'm Peggy Carter's great niece."

"Why are you here?" Simmons asks, wanting to understand.

"That's a long story." Sharon admits.

"Jemma, how do you feel?" Fitz asks, "Are you hurting anywhere?"

"No." Simmons answers, "What happened?" she asks it being clear that she is concerned. At Simmons's question Fitz, Skye and Lincoln exchange a look, all trying to figure out who will answer Simmons's question.

"Jemma the kree rock sucked you inside." Fitz says, "You've been gone for weeks."

"What?" Simmons asks shocked, "How's that possible?"

"We think that the rock transported you somewhere and that it heled you there in an unaware state the entire time." Bobbi explains.

"How did you get me back?" Simmons asks, looking at Fitz.

"Determination, luck and some help." Mack answers.

"But now that you're back we are soo glad to see you." Phil informs Simmons.

"Thank you, Sir." Jemma says, "Has anything appeared to have changed?" Simmons asks, it being clear that she is in scientist mode.

"No. everything looks normal." Lincoln says, "We've ran blood and there is no abnormalities."

"Really?" Simons asks surprised and Fitz nods, "Huh." Simmons says surprised by that, "So you said that I've been gone for weeks?" she asks.

"Yeah, nine very long weeks." Skye says.

"Wow, I guess I've missed a lot." Simmons realises.

"Oh yeah." Skye confirms, "Do you want me to catch you up?" she asks curious and Simmons nods and so that's exactly what everyone does.

* * *

"Okay, maybe Simmons could use some rest." Phil says after several hours of everyone telling Simmons what she has missed.

"I'm fine, Sir." Simmons says with a yawn.

"It doesn't seem like it." Phil says, "A rest could do you good."

"Yeah, I guess." Simmons says.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep." Fitz offers.

"Me too." Skye says.

"Thank you, both of you." Simmons says.

"Guess we'll see you in the morning. Night Simmons, glad you're back." Hunter says.

"See you in the morning." Bobbi tells her.

"We're glad you're back." Phil says as he gives Simmons a supportive smile.

"Really glad." Melinda adds.

"It was nice meeting you Dr Simmons." Sharon says and everyone except for Mack, Fitz and Skye leave.

* * *

"So memory loss, is that bad as I think it is?" Hunter asks Bobbi as he, Melinda, Phil, Sharon and Lincoln leave the lab.

"Maybe, or it could be a very good thing." Lincoln comments, "We don't know what happened to her."

"That's a good point." Bobbi says, "It's just a waiting game, just wait and see what happened."

"Yeah, well I'm going to go and get some sleep before the other shoe drops, I'll see you in the morning." Lincoln says before heading to bed.

"See you in the morning." Bobbi says and she heads to the bunks, and so does Melinda, Sharon and Hunter, Phil watching them go.

"Do you want company?" Sharon asks Melinda in a whisper as they walk.

"No, I'll be okay." Melinda responds.

"May." Phil says before Melinda is down no more than half way down the corridor.

"Yeah?" Melinda asks as she turns around and faces him, both her and Sharon having stopped walking.

"Can we talk, please?" Phil asks.

"I guess." Melinda says, "You're office?" Melinda asks and Phil nods.

"I'll wait in your bunk." Sharon tells Melinda in a whisper and while Sharon follows Bobbi and Hunter to the bunk Melinda and Phil head up to Phil's office.

* * *

A few minutes later both Phil and Melinda walk into Phil's office Melinda closing the door behind them.

"I'm not going to ask what is going on, not again." Phil tells Melinda, as he takes Clint's threat seriously, "But I am going to ask whether there is anything I can do to help."

'No, there is nothing." Melinda answers.

"Okay." Phil says with a nod, "I know that things aren't great between us, but if you need anything I'm here, I'm always here Melinda." Phil says, it being clear that he completely means his words, "If or when you need to talk I'm here."

"I'll remember that." Melinda says, "Thanks Phil." Melinda says before leaving.

* * *

"I can't believe it's been nine weeks." Simmons says, sounding shocked about that, "It feels like it was just hours ago we were talking." She says, looking at Fitz.

"It wasn't just hours ago, trust me on that." Fitz says.

"I'm sorry, it must have felt like forever for you." Simmons realises.

"You've got nothing to apologise for." Skye says, "It wasn't your fault." She assures her friend.

"Yeah." Simmons says, "Is there any theories about where I was?"

"No, it's impossible to say." Mack says and Simmons nods.

"I want to know, I need to know." Simmons tells Skye, Fitz and Skye.

"Then I promise that I will do everything I can to help you." Skye assures her friend.

"Thank you." Simmons says gratefully.

* * *

After leaving Phil's office Melinda heads straight to her bunk where she finds Simmons sitting on her bed.

"What did Nat whisper to you when you were hugging goodbye?" Melinda asks curious.

"It wasn't Nat, it was Clint." Sharon corrects, "And he said to keep a supportive eye on you, offer support and company if you needed it."

"Thanks." Melinda admits, "But I'm okay right now." Melinda assures her.

"Okay, well if that changes let me know. I'll be right down the hall." Sharon says.

"Thanks." Melinda says.

"Night Mel." Sharon says with a nod before leaving Melinda's room.

Once Sharon leaves Melinda grabs her stuff and heads into the bathroom to have a bath. Feeling like the relaxing hot water could help a lot.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

 **AN1:**  TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

 **AN2:**  Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review, please. Sorry about never posting this. 

 **AN3** : This is the last chapter. Thank you for the all support.

* * *

It has been seven days since Simmons woke up and in that time it has become clear that apart from the memory loss Simmons is fine, there are no signs of long term changes or harm.

It is about one am and Melinda and Sharon are in the gym sparing together, just like they have done every night that they have been at the Playground.

"So, have you found the answers you wanted?" Melinda asks Sharon curious.

"About Antoine?" Sharon asks Melinda nods, "Yeah. I think I have." Sharon admits, "I've talked to Mack and Simmons, even managed a conversation with Skye, it helped. I feel like I know him better now." Sharon admits.

"That's great." Melinda says, being happy for her friend.

"Yeah." Sharon says, "Why are you asking, Mel?"

"Because I think it's time to get back to New York, but I want to make sure you're ready first." Melinda explains.

"I am." Sharon confirms, "When are you thinking about leaving."

"I want to say goodbye to everyone tomorrow, today, then leave tomorrow, actual tomorrow." Melinda tells Sharon.

"Sounds good to me. Do you think you're ready to say goodbye to everyone?" Sharon asks curious.

"Yeah, I think so." Melinda answers, "Phil and Skye are going to the hardest." Melinda says, knowing that without a doubt.

"That's not surprising." Sharon says and the two of them continue to spar.

* * *

After sparing with Sharon for an hour Melinda headed to bed. At just after five minute gets up to do her usual tai-chi routine. Once she finishes doing Tai-Chi Melinda has a shower and while she does she thinks about who she is going to tell first and what she is going to say.

Once she gets out of the shower Melinda heads up to Phil's office, feeling like he is the person that she should tell first. When Melinda arrives at Phil's office Melinda pauses at the door before she knocks.

"Come in." Phil's voice say and Melinda walks in, "May." Phil greats.

"Phil." Melinda says.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Phil asks realising that it has been a week since Simmons woke which means Melinda will be leaving.

"Tomorrow." Melinda says.

"I see." Phil says, doing his best to attempt not to give away what he is feeling.

"I'm just a call away Phil, no matter what." Melinda tells him, "I may be an Avenger, but I'm still your partner, nothing will ever change that" Melinda informs Phil as even though she has doubted that in recent weeks she now knows that to be true.

"I'll remember that." Phil says standing up and walking over to where Melinda is, "Good luck Melinda, and that calling thing works both ways, if you need anything, just call." Phil requests.

"I will." Melinda promises and to her surprise Phil pulls her into a hug.

* * *

Five minutes after she said goodbye to Phil Melinda heads to the firing range as she overheard Bobbi and Hunter talking about going their when she was making her way to Phil's office and she feels like that would be an easier goodbye than Skye, Fitz or Simmons.

"You'll be back in the field soon Bob, you know it and I do too." Hunter's voice says as Melinda walks towards the range.

"It doesn't feel like it." Bobbi admits and Hunter puts a comforting hand on Bobbi's shoulder.

"Sorry to intupt." Melinda says and Bobbi and Hunter turn to look at her.

"May, what can we do for you?" Hunter asks when he sees her.

"I have some news."

"You're going back to New York." Bobbi realises.

"Yeah, I am." Melinda confirms, "It's where I belong now."

"Wow." Hunter says shock, "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow." Melinda says.

"Wow, things are going to be strange without you here." Bobbi realises, "You'll be missed."

"I'm not dying Bobbi. I'll just be in New York, just a call away if you need anything." Melinda says.

"We'll remember that." Hunter comments.

"Look, there is something I need you to do for me." Melinda says, knowing that what she is going to ask is something that she only trusts Bobbi and Hunter to do.

"Look after Fitz, Simmons and Skye." Bobbi guesses.

"Yeah." Melinda says with a nod.

"Don't worry May, we'll keep them safe." Bobbi promises.

"Thank you."

"Now you can do something for us." Hunter requests, "Remember us when you're a famous Avenger."

"Sure Hunter, whatever you want." Melinda says before leaving, seeing Bobbi playfully hit Hunter over the back of his head, out of the corner of her eye as she does.

* * *

After Melinda leaves the firing range Melinda heads to the lab where she has to pause before she pushes open the door and enters. When Melinda enters the lab she finds Fitz, Simmons, Mack and Lincoln all working on something.

"Fitz, Simmons, Lincoln, Mack. Can I talk to you four?" Melinda asks after watching them for a few minutes.

"Sure May? What's going on?" Mack asks.

"I know you would have heard the rumours, which means I know you would have heard what I became while I was gone." Melinda says.

"Yeah, an Avenger. Which is more than a little awesome." Fitz says and Melinda manages a little smile at that.

"Yes, that's true." Melinda confirms, "I came back for two reasons, one was to help find you." Melinda says to Simmons.

"Really?" Simmons says surprised.

"Yeah." Melinda says with a nod.

"What was the second reason?" Lincoln asks curious.

"To say a proper goodbye to all of you when the time came for me to leave." Melinda says.

"You're leaving?" Mack asks surprised.

"Yeah." Melinda says with a nod, "Tomorrow."

"So soon?" Simmons asks surprised, "What's the rush?"

"There is no rush." Melinda says, "But I belong in New York now." Melinda says, taking a step forward, "But that doesn't mean that I won't help you if you need it. All you have to do is ask."

"So you're leaving S.H.I.E.L.D to be an Avenger fall time?" Fitz asks shocked and Melinda nods.

"Wow." Simmons says and before anyone can say anything she throws her arms around Melinda hugging her.

"I'll miss you soo much May." Simmons says as she hugs Melinda.

"I'll miss you to, Jemma."

* * *

After she leaves the lab Melinda starts her search for Skye, it takes her a while, but she eventually finds Skye sitting in the back off one of the SUV's on her computer.

"Can I join you?" Melinda asks Skye as she knocks and opens the door to the SUV.

"Sure." Skye says and Melinda climbs in, closing the door behind her, "You're leaving, aren't you?" Skye asks, realising that.

"Tomorrow." Melinda says and before she can say anymore Skye throws her arms around Melinda hugging her tightly, "Don't go May, please don't go, don't leave me." Skye begs.

"Oh Skye, I have to go, but that doesn't mean I'm leaving you." Melinda says as she returns the hug, hurting because she hears how much Skye is hurting.

"Why? Why do you have to go?" Skye asks, her voice sounding upset.

"Because New York is where I belong now. It's a better place for me." Melinda says, telling the truth, "After S.H.I.E.L.D fell I was trying to figure out who I was and I realised that I'm an Avenger, that's who I want to be." Melinda tells Skye, "You're like a daughter to me Skye, and I love you, I'll always be here for you, but this is what I have to do. It's what's best for me. New York is better for me than here."

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" Skye asks.

"No." Melinda says as she leans back and away from Skye so that she can look at her directly in the eyes, "No matter what happens, no matter where you are, or what time it is if you need anything Skye, just call me." Melinda tells Skye, "And I will be hear as quick as I can, always, I promise." Melinda tells Skye.

"I know you will." Skye says, "There has been two people in my life that I have been able to completely count on and you're one of them, so I know you'll help if I need it, but I'm still going to miss you."

"And I'll miss you too." Melinda says, "And you can come and visit me in New York anytime you want."

"I'd like that." Skye says with a small smile.

* * *

After a long, tearful goodbye with Skye Melinda headed to her bunk where she is relieved to find Sharon sitting on her bunk.

"What are you doing here?" Melinda asks.

"I though you could use some company, and this." Sharon says holding up a bottle of scotch.

"Thanks, I could." Melinda says as she walks over and sits next to Sharon.

"You okay?"

"I don't know." Melinda admits, "That was hard."

"Goodbyes aren't supposed to be easy." Sharon says as Melinda opens the scotch and takes a drink, "I've got to ask Mel, is this what you really want? Do you really want to leave here?"

"I don't want to say goodbye to Phil, and Skye, and everyone, but I want to go to New York." Melinda admits, "When we went away Nat and Clint told me that I need to stop looking after everyone else at my own expense, and they're right." Melinda admits, "New York, is the better place for me, and it's where I want to be, I want to be an Avenger, be with Nat and Clint and the rest of you, but that doesn't make goodbye any easier."

"You're saying goodbye to family so that's not surprising." Sharon says, "But family is in New York too."

"Yeah."

"Focus not on the family you're leaving, Mel, but the family you're returning to." Sharon tells Melinda.

"I'll try." Melinda says, not sure if she is going to be able to.

* * *

It has been a few hours since Melinda returned to her bunk after saying goodbye to everyone when she and Sharon hear a knock on her bunk door.

"Come in." Melinda says and Bobbi walks in, "Bobbi? What's going on?"

"You're both needed in the common area." Bobbi says and exchanging an interested look Melinda and Sharon get up and leave the room.

* * *

When Melinda, Sharon and Bobbi arrive in the common area a few minutes later they find Skye, Hunter, Phil, Lincoln, Mack, Fitz and Simmons standing around the table which is covered in food.

"What's all this?" Melinda asks.

"You're goodbye dinner." Phil says.

"We couldn't let you go without a proper goodbye." Skye says.

"Thank you." Melinda says feeling touched.

"You don't have to thank us. It's the least we could do." Simmons says.

"Still, thank you." Melinda says as everyone sits down.

"Dig in." Lincoln tells everyone and that's what they do.

* * *

When Melinda wakes up the next morning it hits her that this is the day, this is the day she leaves her family and so she lays in bed for a while processing that before Melinda gets up and packs up the rest of her stuff before getting ready.

* * *

An hour after Melinda got up she and Sharon are putting the last of their stuff in the car that Phil is leading them.

"It was nice meeting you all." Sharon says, "I hope to see you again soon." Sharon tells everyone.

"Yeah, it was." Simmons tells her.

"I'll give you a few minutes." Sharon says before heading to the passenger seat of the car.

"No chance of changing your mind?" Skye asks Melinda once Sharon has closed the door to the car.

"No. This is what I have to do." Melinda says and Skye once more rushes forward and hugs her.

"I love you…Mom." Skye says in a whisper as she hugs Melinda.

"I love you too, Skye." Melinda responds as she and Skye break apart she locks eyes with Phil and the two of them say their own goodbye without words.

"Stay safe May." Bobbi says as Skye takes a step back.

"You too." Melinda says, before looking at everyone, "We're a team, we will always be a team that is a bond that can never be broken." Melinda tells them, "It doesn't matter that I'm an Avenger now, it doesn't matter where I am that will never change." Melinda tells them, "I'm just a phone call away, no matter you may need." Melinda says as she looks at each of the members of her team individually.

"And like I said yesterday, that works both way." Phil says stepping forward, "As far as I'm concerned you're still a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, that will never change." Phil tells her, "But good luck at being an Avenger."

"Thank you, Phil." Melinda says, "It's time." Melinda says and before she can even take a step towards the car Fitz, Simmons, and Skye are hugging her.

For a few minutes Melinda holds the young adults she sees as her kids holding them tightly, not wanting to let go of them even though she knows that she has to and that she does truly want to go to New York.

"Fitz, Simmons, Skye, you've got to let May go now." Phil says after about ten minutes and he, Bobbi and Mack walk over. Phil places a comforting hand on Skye's shoulder, while Mack places one on Fitz's and Bobbi places hers on Simmons.

"I love you all." Melinda tells Skye, Fitz and Simmons as they break apart, as they do Bobbi, Mack and Phil gently lead Fitz, Simmons and Skye back while Melinda heads to the driver's side of the car.

Once she reaches the car door Melinda pauses and look at her team, her family, she gives them a supportive smile before she forces herself to get in the car. As Melinda climbs into the car she focuses on the fact that it's not truly goodbye, it can't be, because they have a bond that can never be broken, they have a love that can never be lost.

**THE END**


End file.
